sprouting ideas

Shanty Paradise In Process

2011-01-16T13:00:00.000-08:00

My friend Michelle Summers requested some detail shots of Shanty Paradise, the installation I made last summer at The Barn.

This is a shot from the super cool catwalk above my studio.

This is the very beginning of the piece, before I knew it would turn into a huge luminous spaceship. It was based on a wasp's nest I found in a double decker bus.

As it grew, I started to hang it in the middle of the studio and photograph it, experimenting with lighting and context.

Then I found light blue abandoned maple sap tubes in the woods.

Finally, it made sense to hang from the large light in the middle of the whole room.

The light became as much of an element of the assemblage as any other piece.

This is a shot from under and behind it while in progress. During the assemblage process, I considered it important to be able to view it from all sides with just as much intensity and intrigue. I also photographed the whole assemblage process (once it hung from the light) which I hope to turn into an animation someday. It is very lovely to watch it grow in animation form.

(I hope these are detailed enough for you Michelle! xoxo :-)

Accidental Inspiration

2010-12-09T15:06:00.000-08:00

Protection and Non-Intentions

As my life rocks and rolls right now I remember another time that was this harshly awakening, testing and rewarding. I was 16 and had just moved to Iowa from my childhood home in Vermont. It was a mix of culture shock and teenage darkness that pretty much sent me into a pit of despair. For a while I was eating one egg, drinking one bottle of diet pepsi and eating one slice of pizza per day. I was also running anywhere from 3-10 miles per day. I was worried about myself. I was angry, confused, depressed and exhausted.

Then I found something that worked like magic for me: Julia Cameron's Artists Way. I believe that it saved me: from what? I'm not sure but I knew I needed saving. I also now see that it established some fundamental seeds in my experience that have been growing without my full awareness.

Now, about 11 years later, in the midst of huge life questions, disillusionment, and self growth I almost accidentally found her again. I signed up for a retreat with her called Creativity and Divinity at the New York Open Center in NYC this weekend on a hunch that I needed it. Then today, I came home from work and decided to read or listen to something about meditation/Buddhism and creativity and I found this:

Julia Cameron on the Path of Creativity

I think I'm on to something.

Words and fun

2010-12-08T15:35:00.000-08:00

The Swamp of Re-delusionment is my newest sculpture which is currently in the exhibition called

Curious Environs at The Art Museum at the University of Memphis)

The things I find these days that motivate me to write here are not few and far between as much as they are things that I have not found words for. In fact, I have adopted a new conscious practice of finding words to describe the things about art, emotion, creativity, flow, inspiration, contemplation, etc, that I have been struggling to find.

I have been in numerous conversations (especially with a particular friend here in NYC who knows most of the ins and outs of my life at the moment) where it's like I'm thinking out loud. I start feeling very confident about what I'm about to say because I know it so well in my experience and then I find that I start talking and it all comes out "fluffy" and actually obscures what it's trying to express and even my own understanding of it. It's really like I'm thinking it through out loud as opposed to having my thoughts fully formulated in my brain first. I have talked to other friends about their own art writing and understood that they have had similar experiences: the struggles to describe the really deep and profound things they experience. Unfortunately, in our society and many cultures within it, the ability to express something in words is one of the only ways that our thoughts are made valid by others. In fact, I have (mostly unconsciously) based much of my self worth on what I am able to express, in order to seem smart or wise. Suddenly, I am in the midst of something I am not smart or wise about and find that my fear of seeming as such actually impedes my ability to learn from it and actually become smarter and wiser.

Beyond external validation (which isn't sustainable anyway) a truth about finding words for our abstract experiences is that it allows us to do many things: communicate and connect with other people about similar experiences, to teach about these experiences and skillful ways to act with them, to notice the places where we are stuck, etc. Being able to put things into words doesn't have to be an obligation fulfilled, it can actually be a way for us to expand our understanding and capacity to deepen our life experience. The only unfortunate thing about all this is that school often lays the obligation heap on thick and leaves off (what I think of) as the MOST important part of expression: the fun part that is rooted in profound, intimate experiences.

That said, here are the places I have been finding words for my experiences lately:

Jill Wilkinson's talk on zen and creativity (audio)

A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield (book)

Buddha's Brain by Rick Hanson (book)

The Outlander series by Dana Gabaldon (series of books)

And Dharma Talks by Tara Brach (audio)

The truth about all of our thoughts is that they aren't our own. Everything we have ever said or thought about, we heard somewhere else. Therefore it seems skillful (and FUN!) to choose where my thoughts come from and also to try and figure out where the rest of them came from in the first place.

Anyway, FUN is the key word (have I said it enough yet? Maybe I need new words like absurdity, celebration, buffoonery...) Don't take my word for it. Remember the last time you dragged your butt to the computer to write a paper or artist statement or whatever so that you could finish a homework assignment or apply to a residency or school? Now imagine you are writing the same paper but that the subject is more deeply rooted in something you have actually experienced, not just read about. Do you think you would have more to say? More passion to find words for it? Have something that someone else could learn something about you from? Be inspired by your experiences of joy/sorrow/humanity? I think so.

Shows, Bugs and Relaxation

2010-10-17T18:19:00.000-07:00

"Double Intention"

Happy Fall everyone. October always seems to bring big changes and strange events and this year has not failed to meet that expectation. Mainly there has been a lot of new realizations about my art and my life that are very significant. The most significant are these:

1) To be able to see what's really in front of me is scary but it also makes me feel more alive.

2) When I relax I have more to offer the universe/myself/my work/my practices than I do if I worry, plan and stress.

3) Meditation really works.

4) I can't teach anything or offer anything unless I already practice it or understand it through experience. On the flip side, I can teach anything that I practice and understand through experience. That's a lot!

"Double Decker: Fueled By Stuff"

All of the paintings I am posting today were made in Vermont this summer and are also on display at Better Than Jam until November 1st. This one I started when I was outside looking at a double decker bus. I then brought it inside and finished it in my studio, allowing the initial marks to tell me what to do.

"Held Together by The Trees, The Dead, The Gun"

"A Meeting of The Dead in Bear Forest"

Death has been a theme in my work lately. It seems to be an embracing of death as a way to be more fully alive. There is a Buddhist practice like this where monks sit with corpses. I have only been sitting with bug corpses, not human ones. The dead that meet in Bear Forest above were a collection of dead bugs on top of a sculpture that the painting was painted from. The painting above that started from an old cowboy photo with a dead beast of some sort.

I have more thinking to do about this death stuff...

Some Business:

*As I mentioned, my work and jewelry are now at Better Than Jam.

*I teaching some sweet workshops at Spoke The Hub Sunday afternoons from now until Christmas from 2-5:00 (check out the link for more details!) I'm teaching candle making, found object jewelry and greeting cards (which will include pop-up card basics!) If you know anyone in the area that might be interested, pass it along!

*Mikel has an upcoming show/performance at SOHO 20 Gallery on November 6th at 7pm.

Impotent Bears and New Wallets

2010-09-25T10:13:00.000-07:00

I'm even slower at blogging now that I'm out bringin' in the bacon (the the vegetarian kind of course!) so when I do blog I will try to make them juicy and fulfilling! Here are some images from my summer residency. Above is a shot of my studio from above. I don't know what to say about it except I miss having that much space and I'm very excited to share my large paintings I made with you all once I document them. (You can see one of them hanging up in the studio image.)
I made this assemblage while at The Barn. It includes a wasp nest I found in a double decker bus, tubing from maple syrup collection, pink foam, sticks, mini moss trees, etc. I went on many walks to look for "treasures" and then used them to make sculpture. I'm very excited to continue working in this larger scale, transforming the materials and the space I work in.
This is a diptych-in-progress I made. Each painting is 12"x 12". I started them by looking at images of dead men. I was thinking about the Buddhist practice of sitting with corpses in order to fully face the impermanence of life and in turn be able to live life more fully. They look and feel much different than most of my work previous. In fact my work made a huge shift in Vermont.

During my residency I was able to spend a lot of time asking myself questions like: what is meaningful to me? How am I making meaning with my work? What is my work telling me already? I learned a lot about myself and my process. In a bigger sense here is a very important thing I learned through a studio visit I had at The Barn:

We were looking at my many paintings I made with bear heads in them (one of which is the large painting I mentioned above in my studio shot). I was also working on a collaborative sculpture with a bear head in it that Mikel made (part of which is also in the image above). The visitor asked me how my work with bears fits in with all the other bear/animal art that is being made right now (apparently there is a current of nature nostalgia going on in the art world). At first I really tried to answer that questions for myself but then I realized that the question is moot. For me, my art is more like looking at dreams. The more appropriate questions becomes: What do bears mean to me? and What kind of bears am I painting?

Here are some of my discoveries: I've been painting impotent bears. Bears are naturally strong, powerful, and full of productive rage. My bears are the opposite: wimpy, powerless. The important questions for me are: what part of me is an impotent bear? Who are the impotent bears in my life? And the meaning-making goes on...

This piece has a super duper awesome title but I wrote it down in my other sketchbook that is now at my house and not here at Orwell Cafe with me. It is the sculpture that will be part of Firehouse Gallery's traveling Human=Landscape exhibition. I finished it while in VT. I imagine that if Florida and Vermont had a love affair, this is what their child might look like. As the climate warms, Vermont may have to have it's own tropical arranged marriage, if not love affair.

Finally, some business:

My etsy shops are back in action!

Beadedweeds and Meganbisbeedurlam

My jewelry has been included in two etsy treasuries! Fire and Cold Water. Interesting combo!

Also, I have an art opening on October 1, 7:00-10:00 at Better Than Jam in Bushwick. Better Than Jam is an awesome shop and art venue. I will be October's artist of the month and today I will be hopefully purchasing a wallet there due to mine being stolen yesterday. Bummer in some ways but also awesome because I needed a new wallet anyway! I also got a much cooler phone out of the deal. Thanks thief! :-)

Have a great weekend everyone!

Interview With Juan Hinojosa

2010-09-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

Juan Hinojosa in front of his installation "Vomit" at Vermont Studio Center, 2009.

This is Juan Hinojosa who I met at Vermont Studio Center last fall. He currently lives and works in Queens, NYC. He makes collages and installations using found and mundane materials that range from fashion logos to metro cards to pornographic imagery that he picks up around the city. In continuation of my artist interview series, here is my conversation with Juan:

Megan: What are your biggest struggles and fears in art making?

Juan: Finishing a piece seems to be hard these days. I start a piece, have an idea then start a new piece. That repeats over and over. I have to stop and force myself to finish something. I find myself very annoying. I struggle with self-control all the time.

M: Yes, I think finishing work is sometimes the hardest part. I actually say this probably way too often, but my professor in college once said about painting something like: being faced with finishing a piece and really solving the problems is when real painting begins. So in a way, the finishing of your art is actually art making. Are there ways that you have found useful in “forcing yourself to finish something”?

J: That's a great way to look at it. I usually have to talk myself into turning my iTunes really low, turning HULU off, and ignore my phone. I sit in my kitchen and I don't get up till it's done.

M: Discipline and it sounds like you have a good idea about the things that distract you from your work. In what ways is your creative process related to supported by or connected to the rest of your life?

J: Because I reference pop culture, I get to spend a lot of time “researching” by buying comic books, surfing the interweb, and watching a lot of YouTube and HULU. Though it may seem that I am spending hours in front of the computer on a bright sunny day I am clearly “researching” ideas of what to do next. The Internet has altered the way pop stars and the news is released to the public. As an artist / consumer I have to keep up with what’s going on.

"022, 2009"

M: You seem to have a bit of a mocking tone about your process, almost like you aren’t totally taking yourself seriously but when I look at your work you seem to tackle very authentic, serious and specific topics. For example: homosexuality, super heroes, debris of consumerism in the form of colorful litter. Why are these topics important to you? Do you feel like you take yourself seriously? Also, if you feel that you must “keep up on what’s going on” what do you think would happen if you didn’t?

J: I really don’t see it as mocking. It’s just the way I talk about things. In all honestly I mock everything and everyone. Nothing is off limits. That’s just my personality. I do take my artistic career and myself very seriously. The topics I decide to focus on are my way to a future understanding of them and to play with their meaning.

As for “keeping up with what’s going on”… it’s fun. Pure and simple. If I didn’t keep up I think I would be very bored.

(Photo by Howard Romero)

M: How would you describe inspiration?

J: One word. POPCULTURE. It's one of the few things that everyone can relate to in some way, shape, or form … especially on a global level thanks to the all mighty Internet.

M: What is it about pop culture that is so inspiring for you? I understand that you see it as something everyone can relate to. This seems more like an excuse or a reason to use it as a muse. What I want to know is what makes it your muse? The colors? The glamour? The speed? What about it are you drawn to? We also already talked about specific elements of popculture that you sample from (gay porn, found candy wrappers, superheroes) what else would you add to that list? Can you talk about why you might specifically choose those elements and how they relate to the rest of your life?

J: I would have to say it’s the Glamour. Pop culture in many ways is like visual candy and like candy itself, it is something I crave. It also has to do with the unattainable. Because of my ethnicity and economic background I was not suppose to have certain things or to achieve certain goals. So I make conscience efforts to obtain certain things I, and others like me, shouldn't have. So I am playing with pop culture in order to understand it and in some way control its effect on me.

M: Why do you make art?

J: Out of spite.

M: Out of spite for what?

J: Off the top of my head… my parents, other family members, my college professors and my own self doubt.

M: Do you think about a spiritual connection with your work?

J: Nope.

M: Why do you think art is important?

J: I think art is very important. As a kid, I would go to museums and I would fall into each and every piece of work and dream about making art as embracing as the ones I was staring into. I can only hope my works can have the same effect on some kid at a museum on a Saturday afternoon with his mother.

M: I like the image if you falling into each piece of art as if they are embracing you. Although you do not see this as spiritual, that sort of loving image seems very spiritual or at least connecting to me. I wonder what spite has to do with this embrace you are seeking to create with your work? As you said, this is your way "to a future understanding... and to play with... meaning". Thank you for sharing your art making thoughts with me and my readers. Talk to you soon!

I'm home

2010-09-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hello "real life"

I'm home after being in Vermont for 7 weeks, 6 weeks of which was spent at The Barn making lots of art. Here is a photo of a studio visit I had with Gregory Volk. I know it's strange but the painting of the face in the background is mine. I had some major breakthroughs while in Vermont! Also hanging out in this photo is David Grainger (right), one of the three people I lived with this summer. The other two were Agnes Barley and Elliot Katz.

Gregory and I were talking about narrative and my new desire to include more of it in my work. His response to this was, "what do you mean by narrative?" Good question. What I think I mean is more of a driven subject from the beginning of making-- choosing my subjects more specifically. Out of this hunch, I painted many things this month: impotent bears, dead guys, landscape, etc.

I also made sculpture. This is made of found treasures (aka garbage) like pink foam, moss, maple sap lines and bits and pieces of a double decker bus.

This is one of my larger paintings made on Yupo, my new favorite material. It's about 5 feet by 6 feet (roughly) and hanging here on the outside of my studio because I ran out of space inside.

Now that I am home I am hitting the ground running with three jobs:

Spoke The Hub (teaching painting and drawing on Monday nights and various workshops)

Iwona Yoga (teaching Intensive Kripalu Flow Thursdays from 8-9:15)

Studio Creative Play (teaching, playing and creating at a preschool alternative)

I will hopefully have my etsy shops up and running soon as well as more images of my new work. For now here's a big "hello" to you all. I hope you had a great summer!

Odds and Ends and Beginnings

2010-07-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

This morning in the studio.

Under my studio table= storage for broken umbrellas, gardening stuff and paper products.

New sculpture detail and a bit of painting.

I'm leaving for Vermont on Tuesday. I have some serious packing to do. It's funny to decide what to bring for 7 weeks away from home. I am hoping to pack it all in that orange suitcase and the box under it giving priority to art supplies. My mom pointed out recently that I have no problem wearing items of clothing that I like over and over again so that takes care of that. I just have to make sure I have something to wear when I give artist talks and things to wear to make art in and do yoga. No problem ;-)

My sister recently reminded me that I haven't posted a picture of the litter box house I made last winter. It's made of 100% recycled materials. It also acts as the "shelf" where we keep our recycling. It was inspired by my friend Ariele's litter box house.
Here are the yellow bauble earrings I made last month. I love them! They are super light weight. When I bought them the shop owner said they are Japanese glass... I'm not sure if that means they're from Japan or in the style of Japanese baubles. Either way, they rock!

I'm super excited to be going to The Barn for a residency and life just gets better and better because when I return I will start working at an amazing place called Studio Creative Play, a preschool alternative. I've been a sub there for two days during the summer collage camp and I LOVED it. The Studio is all about creating connections with the children and to help them cultivate their own inner voice. The staff are so well taken care of even to the point of the program being designed to inspire us as well as the children. I left work feeling super energized. What a dream boat job! Also, I found out that the building I work in is in a scene of The Royal Tenebaums when Anjelica Huston and Danny Glover walk out of a building and talk to Gene Hackman (toward the end). The building is so old and beautiful. All of the children I taught this week believe it's magical and haunted which inspires some excellent storytelling and art projects.

When I'm at The Barn I am not entirely sure how much I will be blogging. I am waiting to see if I am going to use the time to go on a computer diet or perhaps I will be so inspired to share my thoughts regularly. Either way, there will be updates sometime! I hope you are all having a great week!

Inspiration and Epoxy

2010-07-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

Pip and Pop

are a sculpture duo who I just fell in love with. They're sugary sweet and delicious.

Perfect for inspiring my new, less-ephemeral sculptures. I started using an amazing epoxy clay called Magic-Sculpt. Images coming soon!

More inspiration:

Julie Allen

Roberley Bell

Tessa Farmer

I found them all on a blog called Vondy.

Happy Friday! I spent the morning painting and playing with epoxy clay . Now I'm off to see some art at the MOMA and hopefully eat some dope food with my husband!

Waves, Tomato Boxes and Gang Signs

2010-06-29T11:31:00.001-07:00

What's up home skillets?!

This is the gang sign that my niece, Sophia, and I made up while we were kickin' back in Arizona, thowin' back a few brews (by brews I mean I drank more water than I thought possible and she totally downed the breast milk like a champ).
Here's the cute little squidlet posing for the camera... in her sleep. It's way too hard to be back in NY and so far away from her and her mother but hopefully we will be reunited soon! I also miss doing so much Bikram which I did there. Also I tried Dancing Shiva which is a combo of Bikram and vinyasa. I highly recommend it. It totally kicked my butt :-)
The desert was so beautiful! It was only my second time in the southwest and I was totally amazed by the dramatic color and the intense, diverse textures of the landscape. Someday I will go there just to paint... and maybe to build an Earthship ;-)

But for now I'm on a NY adventure (at least for three more weeks before I leave for my residency in Vermont!) I FINALLY finished my fire escape garden!! Yay! Thank goodness because what I should really be doing is painting. Above you can see my tomato box. It's a bit longer than three feet across and one foot wide. I made it out of a wood pallet I found in Bed-Sty are. I also have some basil and other random seeds in there. Well see what comes up! I'm sure I'll have to transplant some treasures soon!

This is the backside of my green planter and smaller herb planter above. I forgot to take a photo from the street so you can see it all together but at least here you can see some details. Everything on my fire escape is recycled (aside from the soil which I bought... and the Ubolts and the seeds... well, seeds are all sort of recycled, especially local heirlooms!) I also installed window boxes in front of two of my windows. The one in the kitchen has herbs in it. I hope it grows! It overlooks our farm I wrote about in my last post:
Strange shadow, I know, but at least you can get the gist of what it looks like. The random wall on the right is a handball court wall which has caused a TON of controversy. In fact, Mikel and I went to our first town meeting yesterday to learn more about the problem and to add our input. There farm is actually part of a park that is a bit more than an acre in size. Unfortunately, most of it is taken up by a parking lot. Lame! The other unfortunate thing is that rather than taking over the parking lot with the farm, they took over the only recreational area and without notifying anyone in the community ahead of time. There is a huge possibility that the farmers will have to totally tear up the farm and put it somewhere else. Where? We will find out after our on-site meeting next Wednesday. Mikel and I are totally jazzed by this democratic process, so jazzed in fact that Mikel expressed how he feels like Chris in the morning on Northern Exposure on election day (if you haven't seen Northern Exposure ever, I highly recommend it-- it's a truly wholesome show!)
Onto business! Before I head to VT I have WAY TOO MUCH to do! Thank goodness the heat wave broke for at least a couple days so I feel like I can move around more (it's been almost 100 degrees for days--and nights!!-- It feels like walking through water!) Above is a cuff I made for Ashley last year that I recently re-mixed. Also in the realm of jewelry, my earrings are officially on display at The Whitney Museum and I just sent a bunch to Bliss in Portland, ME.

Business bummers are as follows: This is a common sting for an artist I think: disappointment. I was getting all geared up to teach a Monday night painting and drawing class this July at Spoke The Hub in Brooklyn but it turns out that the adult and teen sign up for summer classes is super low and the class will be cancelled. I have been longing to teach art workshops for a while now so hopefully if I put that wish out there the universe will open some opportunity soon! On the up-side, it does mean that I have more time to get ready to go to VT for six weeks.

These past few blog entries have been 98% business and only 2% thoughtful. Is that because I'm so busy this summer or is it because I need a spiritual, creative jump-start? Both I think. creativity and depth in my life come and go like waves and with every cycle I learn something new. Until the wave crests again, here's to some sweet summer reading: Let The Right One In, Eragon, and Letters to a Young Artist.

Growing, Traveling, Finding

2010-06-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

I saved these images in my blogging drafts two weeks ago before I went to Arizona with the intent that I would blog while hanging out with my sister's new baby Sophia. Now that I'm home in Brooklyn I have no excuse about not getting somthing out there about the fun news going on around here. I would also like to add that hanging out with newborn babies does nothing to curb my baby bug. Maybe being busy is New York will for a while ;-)

Below is a photo of my fire escape garden in the works. I hope to create two more larger planter boxes (12"x 36"x 12") to hang off of the front and from my window as well. Then I will paint them.... what color? Maybe sage color... maybe electric blue... maybe a warm color that would look at home in Tuscany.

Since I left for my trip, Mikel made sure they were watered and loved and now the seedlings are totally thriving! I don't have a more current photo yet but when I get my full garden planted (on Sunday??) I'll show you!

Image from two weeks ago-- the seedlings are back on my window sill again because the landlord is totally bent on having nothing at all in the way of the fire escape. It's frustrating but I understand the reasoning. It just gives me more motivation to finish the other planter boxes. Now to find some more wood... if you see some on the streets of Brooklyn let me know!

This is the quilt I made for my sister and her new baby. I've been working on it since January. I'm so proud of it and it has been so hard to not post any images in progress but I didn't want to ruin the surprise.

More good news has to do with the space behind me in the photo. What was once a handball court is now a farm! It's amazing! I'll post photos and more info soon but for now I will just say that I woke up this morning and worked on a farm next to my apartment in Brooklyn for about and hour and a half. I hope they need lots of help because it is the best experience for me to be around things that grow and people that care about things that grow.

Before I went on my trip to AZ I went to my friend Miranda's Bachelorette party. It involved a drag burlesque restaurant, embarrassing scavenger hunt moments, a mechanical bull and some pretty sweet dancing.

Here I am with Miranda and Alison drinking an "orgy" cocktail at the drag burlesque club. Classy ;-) but really, what do you expect from such a place?
Finally, I was walking two weeks ago to pick Mikel up to have dinner on our 5 year anniversary and I suddenly looked to my left into a storefront with Julie Peppito's work in it! The gallery 0.00156 Acres is a Brooklyn Arts Council space named for its size and the full show consisted of Julie's work along with paintings by her husband Gideon. Small world! Small city!

More soon! I have four weeks to paint my butt off, teach yoga and teach are before I'm off again to The Barn for my residency. I'll keep you updated as things start rolling. Hope you are well!!

Magical Rats and a Clothing Fairy

2010-06-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

This was Ariele and my table at Artists and Fleas this weekend. Ariele made all of those amazing lamps from mostly recycled materials like bunt cake pans and doughnut cutters. They are so beautiful! It was really a bummer how little traffic there was this weekend though. Although sales were depressingly low we entertained ourselves by doing such things as:

and doing collaborative drawings with other bored vendors. (I'm considering getting a real tatoo like this... but if I did it would have to be much bigger-- more of a manly 'stach, I think)

Here I am, patiently waiting for customers that didn't come... BUT, as sad as the weekend sounds (and there were definitely rough parts) I actually had a very lucky weekend! Mikel and I went out on Monday to some excellent vintage/thrift stores where I found a black sequins dress. I was thinking, "hrmm, I would like some more summer clothing too." Because NYC is hot as H-E double hockey sticks right now. Anyway, Mikel and I were totally bonked-- in dire need of some grub and a cool beer. A couple of veggie burgers and slight tipsiness later we walked home to find two bags full of amazing clothing on our front steps waiting for the recycling truck. OK, I know you're thinking "eww! What about bed bugs?!" but as I was looking through the bags it was obvious that they were organized by someone who had just moved out and didn't have the energy to bring them to a clothing drop. We brought them in you won't believe it but they are all exactly my size! Even her shoes! I think the clothing fairy felt bad that I had such a bad sale weekend and decided to give me about $500 worth of clothes and a handbag shaped like a chicken! I'll have to post an image of that for you soon.

Speaking of luck, I forgot to tell you about my the magical rat that sat on my foot a few weeks ago. Mikel and I went to eat at a cool place in Bushwick called the Northeast Kingdom. On the way home we walked to a cool building that sits on a sight that was a plantation in 1612. As were were looking through the fence at little kids playing flashlight tag in the grass and smelling the trees (something we can't really do in our neighborhood) I felt n on my foot. I am so used to Dr. Pancake hanging around my feet that I wasn't startled. I looked down and there was a cute little rat sitting on my toes! (yes, I know it's weird that I think rats are cute) anyway, when I looked down is scurried away. I think it was an auspicious moment... but what could it mean?

Hope you are all well! I'm headed to Arizona to meet my new niece, Sophia, on Tuesday so I will hopefully post some more good stuff on here before I head to the desert.

Peanut Blossoms

2010-05-24T08:24:00.000-07:00

My friend Julie gave me these amazing peonies at my birthday party on Saturday night (which was a blast!) I have so many amazing friends, including so many more who couldn't attend!!

The framed piece above the flowers is my sign for my upcoming sale at Artists and Fleas THIS WEEKEND!! I used my new stamp and rainbow 'Happy Birthday" ink pad to start the collage and then used paint, pens and markers to jazz it up more.

I'm on a roll with jewelry for this upcoming weekend. Later today I will make the stand for the earrings to hang from. So much to do and time is moving fast! This is always how it happens.

Check out this plant! This is the one we found on the street in Chelsea last fall/winter and thought it was dead but now it's beautiful and flowering! What is it? I'm sure my Grammy will know!

Paintings in progress.

I'm on a roll with some new ones that will be in really nice white frames.

Box-o-Peanut

Have a great week!

Lenny and the Snoozers

2010-05-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

This photo is full of good stuff to talk about! First of all, I'm wearing the new yoga mat bag that I made as a birthday gift for myself (I'm also proudly wearing a Miley Cyrus T-shirt from Mikel's mom). I know it seems weird to make something for myself rather than buying it for my Birthday. I was actually planning to buy one on etsy but after looking through all of the mat bags I decided I wanted to make myself my ideal bag. It is big enough for two mats or a mat and blocks as well as a change of clothes! The truth is, my favorite thing to do is hang out at home, listen to a good book on tape or watch a movie while making something funky with no stress or expectations attached. So that's what I did for my 27th birthday! That is, AFTER Mikel made me an amazing breakfast and then had to go to work an before I went out in my party dress!

This photo also shows my new stamp print on the bottom of the calendar behind me. It turned out so awesome! I ordered it at Simon Stamp which allowed me to design it exactly the way I wanted. I even bought black and rainbow ink. The rainbow ink pad is called "Happy Birthday" and of course it arrived yesterday, exactly on my Birthday!

This image also shows my new haircut (which I did myself in the bathroom earlier today). Mikel and I have been cutting our own hair for about 9 years now. Usually I cut mine and he does the final touches on the back of my head where I can't really see.

Finally, on the table is the amazing bouquet of flowers Mikel bought me for my birthday along with two awesome books: Coop by Michael Perry and 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

My new bag can be carried like a sling bag or a duffel bag. It has a super wide strap for comfort, especially for when I am biking to yoga classes.

Here is the inside of my yoga bag. You can see it has my blocks and mat in it and two interior pockets.

Here is a blurry photo of my talk at A-Lab last Saturday:

There is something really funny about giving a talk. (for more photos click here.) My perception as the one giving the talk on Saturday was totally different than Mikel's perception. For example, I was super nervous and felt like no one was interested. Mikel might have been being overly nice to me, but he said it was smooth and clear and he was bummed that the host didn't leave enough time for people to ask me questions. I was totally under the impression that no one wanted to ask questions so the host moved on. Funny how perception can be so different (and how I can be so neurotic!) I often feel when I am giving talks or teaching that I totally lose myself, lose track of time and by the end I have almost no memory of what happened. Anyway, this talk was such a great opportunity and it was located in the China Town of Queens which is a totally awesome place!

About Birthday stuff: last night was the most hilarious and amazing birthday outing. I don't have photos yet but I'm working on it! I wore my favorite cocktail dress and got all fancied up and went to Flavor Paper (where Mikel works) for a party. Guess who was there!! I totally saw Lenny Kravitz! Apparently he has a design company that has been working with Flavor Paper lately. I was hoping he would show up to the party but wasn't depending on it. My friend Julie and I were sitting on a super mod couch, drinking amazing cocktails with watermelon juice and cilantro (among other things) and totally watching the Lenny Kravitz show go by. It was amazingly NYC!

For a final note, to get in the mood for snoozing, here's a photo I took of the meowsers. I know I'm becoming one of "those cat ladies" who feels like everyone else must want to know everything about her cats... but I just can't stop myself! I totally understand if you roll your eyes every time you see these two squishers. I won't hold it against you!

Cutie Pods on Repeat

2010-05-15T08:02:00.001-07:00

Hello!

Quick updates:

This afternoon at 2:00 I will be participating in an artist lecture series curated by A-lab Forum at Crossing Art Gallery in Queens, talking about my work through the lens of repetition. This forum "Repetition" was curated specifically by Juan Hinojosa who I met at Vermont Studio Center last fall. He's an awesome artist who I am including in my series "conversations with artists" in the near future.

Also: Look how big Dr. Pancake is!! I'm not sure if this is normal but he is still nursing at about 10 weeks old. What a cutie pod!

Vigorous and Random Triathlon

2010-05-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

"Dragon Tears"

It's been ages it feels since I've written and I have so much to tell you!

Where to start?

I'll do a lightning flash run through:

~Yesterday I brought 6 pairs of earrings to The Whitney. I'm not sure when they will go on display but I'll let you know! I'm very excited (even if none of them sell) and thankful to have such a great opportunity! One of the pairs is called "Dragon Tears Sprouts". The are the siblings to "Dragon Tears" above.

~Also yesterday I taught my first paid yoga class at a place called Iwona Yoga in Queens. I had 9 students and it was truly an amazing and nerve-wrecking experience. I was a sub for another teacher (Iwona, who owns the studio). She called me just a couple hours before the class started. I was up in Manhattan at the time so I planned my class on the subway ride home, ran from one transfer stop to another and made it in time to cram a piece of toast in my mouth, yoga pants on my legs and hop on my bike and bike over as quickly as possible (20 minutes from my apartment). The class I was subbing for was "Vigorous Vinyasa" so I did my best to get some flow and sweat going in the class. I was totally nervous when I started and I'm sure it showed but everyone seemed happy at the end and Iwona still wants me to teach regularly! After my running, biking and yoga-ing I felt like I did a random triathlon. I was pooped and wound up at the same time. What a day!

~Today is a more mellow day (at least as far as running around goes). I have about a zillion pairs of earrings to make for Artists and Fleas in two weeks and for Bliss Boutique. Ashley gave me her old CD player to I'm finally able to rock out to some old school CDs in the studio, drink "Russian Caravan Tea" and get to work!

~When Mikel and I went to Alfred for senior shows we were VERY lucky to also peek into Julie Moon's studio (she's a grad student). She's a freakin' ceramics rock star. Here are some images I took:

I know they aren't the best images but seriously! Check out her website!

~ Also yesterday, (as if I didn't do enough!) I ordered a 3"x 3" stamp that looks like this:

I hope it looks this cool when I get it and use it. I'll see! I want to be able to stamp packages and bags when I sell stuff or send letters, etc. It's kinda spooky but also eye catching I think!

~A final note about inspiration: I had a lovely tea date with my friend Blaise on Tuesday before meditation. We were talking about inspiration and art education (two things hugely on my mind lately). I was talking about the fact that inspiration comes randomly and the only thing we can do as creative people is learn to recognize inspiration when it comes and to learn what to do with it. Blaise made an excellent point then and I hope I am paraphrasing it well enough. She said that inspiration is everywhere, that it's possible to just wait and wait and not see it anywhere. It takes effort to see it! I like this point of view because it is a more active approach to finding/seeing/noticing inspiration, like we can do things to change our lens and see inspiring things around us and that once our lens is changed we see more and more!

The question is: How do we change our lens so we can see inspiration that already exists around us?

I will be also interviewing Blaise in my "conversations with artists" series. She is an amazing writer so it will be fabulous to read her responses. I have a feeling I will be getting responses back from all of the artists I send questions out to at once and then have a long stretch of interviews, but for now, the blog train continues! I hope you are having a great week. Yay Friday!

Drink and Draw

2010-05-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

Mikel and I spent three days out of the city for an inspiring, delicious and WAY fun trip to visit Ashley and Jordan in Buffalo. We took Amtrak out there (long trip but beautiful!) I haven't seen Ash in more than a year and was really excited to be able to chat face-to-face, especially after her interview! Both Mikel and I returned home late last night totally inspired! Not only do Ash and J live in an awesome house built in the 1800's that they are in the process of redecorating in super stylish ways, Ashley's amazing quilting skills totally sparked up the place (even the cushions and pillows we are sitting on the in the photo were covered/designed by her!), her art was all over, her cooking was divine, and we were even dazzled by Jordan's creative skills he shows in his beer brewing! It was so tasty!

(side note: Check out my new super long earrings! I wore them all weekend.)

I loved seeing Ashley's studio in person. It was even cooler than her initial photos showed. It is very difficult to get a good sense of scale in photo sometimes, especially with abstract work. It's also hard to get a sense of texture and I was blown away at the different textures in each of her pieces: glitter, shine, matte, globby, etc. This is a drawing that is on the wall of the studio that is part of a series of drawings done with guests. We decided to call it "Drink and Draw". Although we planned to do one this weekend we ended up not having any time. Next visit for sure!

Here is another beautiful image from Ash's studio.

And another: these are sort of out of context as I am cropping and abstracting them. Her whole studio is so inspiring and full of beautiful, detailed work!

This is a cool and super contrasted photo of their dining nook. I love it!

We also went to Alfred for senior shows which was stellar and couldn't believe it when it snowed almost all the way home. It is May, right? Now I'm home, working on paintings and jewelry for upcoming sales and fun! I promise more interviews will be posted soon as well assome more fun stuff. Have a great day!

Random Apartment Tour

2010-05-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Tuesday! I was chatting with my mom last week and she suggested that I post more images of my living space where I spend most of my time and where I make my art. So here's a mini tour of random apartment stuff!

I found that awesome plastic bonsai tree in the garbage last week.

Future jewelry and sculpture!

My seedlings are alive and I separated them so they have more space to grow! They were growing so slowly for a while and then I saw my friend Aidan's seedlings and she told me I should spray them with water, not pour water on them. I just started yesterday. I hope it works!

Studio shot from this morning. It's clean because our friends John and Angela visited for the night and when we have guests my studio becomes the guest room. (I just realized that its funny that I said "it's clean" because I'm sure it doesn't look like it. Let me qualify this: it's as clean as it can be. The floors are swept and all of my things are in their proper places.) As a guest room I think it's a little like camping in a magical jungle... possibly a bit claustrophobic but a one-of-a-kind experience nonetheless.

I know that people usually hide their messy closets but I know that I'm not alone in my I-have-a-small-NYC-closet-ness and I'm trying to embrace it. This is the larger of two closets that we have. The other is in Mikel's studio. I keep my clothes in here but it's about 87.6% full of art supplies. It's an interesting challenge to have one room be studio, garden, closet, storage, guest room, sewing room, etc. It demands serious organizational creativity.

This is our main room right now (just ignore the towel drying on the chair ;-) Some details: that's a minotaur head on our cupboards. Mikel made it and did a collaborative video piece with his art collaborator Ethan Kruzska. You can see images here on their website. There's peach brandy up there too as well as two drums (Mikel's).

These two fur balls are laying on the floor of the main room right outside my studio. Check out the legs we got from our friend Ariele. I'm hoping to make them into legs to a counter in our future hand sculpted house. When she and I carried the legs to my apartment almost everyone we passed asked us if we killed the girl to get her legs. Of course we did!

By the way, Ariele is an awesome artist! Check out her work here! She and I will be at Artists and Fleas on May 29th and 30th selling art, jewelry, etc. If you're in the area, come on down! (I'll remind you of it as the time comes nearer).

Our couch/bed (left) is folded down and covered in wood so Dr. pancake doesn't pee on it. I know. Gross! Too much information? Here's more: our bed is his favorite place to pee. His second favorite place is in the shell of Mikel's old helmet which we have placed in his litter box. Someday he'll be litter box trained (I hope!!!!!) We might need a different kind of litter... Check out the awesome architectural model on the wall! Mikel found it in an abandoned lot by his work. I LOVE it!

Ok, random tour, I know. It didn't include Mikel's studio or the bathroom (I have to ask Mikey's permission before I post a pic of his studio because he has a big painting in progress in there and he probably doesn't want me sharing it with everyone and their mom, and their mom's mom, if you know what I mean).

I am still waiting for responses from a few artists in regards to my interviews. As soon as I hear from them I will post the conversations here! Now I'm off to make some jewelry and painting before Dharma Punx tonight. Have a great day!

Fun Business

2010-05-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

"Inside Out: It'll get you through"

I just installed this sculpture at Spare Room Gallery in Brooklyn. The opening is tonight and the poster is below for more details. Mikel also has an awesome piece in it. He doesn't have a photo of it yet so I can't post it so you'll have to take my word for it that it's awesome :-)

(detail)

Big news stuff from craft land:

~My earrings will soon be sold in the gift shop at The Whitney. Yay!

~I will be attending The Barn, a Seven Below Arts Initiative art residency for 6 weeks this summer in Vermont.

~I will be teaching adult and teen night classes in painting and drawing in July at Spoke the Hub (If you're in the area, contact me for more details and I will post more info on here as I receive it).

Way fun! More news to come as well as a new artist conversation in the works. Have a great weekend!

Interview With Ashley Smith (part 4)

2010-04-20T06:56:00.000-07:00

"Microscopic Warfare"

(This is the final post of this conversation with Ashley Smith. Use these links for part 1, part 2 and part 3.)

M: Do you think about a spiritual connection with your work?

A: The answer in my head when I first read this question is yes. I have often described my studio and classroom/teaching experiences as if the room itself was holy ground and the practice that happens within it as very spiritual or perhaps sacred. I believe this because I have observed the way emotions and reactions to new skills and ideas are felt by my students and I. I don’t often talk about this openly as those words in public education and even at times in private life are taboos. But, in order for me to really describe why the answer to this question is intuitively yes, I had to first ask myself another question:

What is spirituality? I thought I understood what that was but in trying to answer this question I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Then I turned to the internet to do a little research and see what others have put out there on this topic. I found an article titled Spiritual, But Not religious on www.beliefnet.com. I have often used these exact words to describe myself. The article discusses the difference between the two terms and determines that spirituality exists when one deals with the issue of how their own human life fits into the greater scheme of things. The article states, “We also become spiritual when we become moved by values such as beauty, love, or creativity that seem to reveal a meaning or power beyond our visible world.” And that “An idea or practice is spiritual when it reveals our personal desire to establish a felt relationship with the deepest meaning or powers governing life.” I totally and completely agree with these statements. At times (and I am referring to my own studio as well as observations made of students) I have witnessed the transformation of materials that occur as a result of mind and body working together. This experience is like magic and reveals the true nature, beauty and power of the material and also us. The transformation occurs because energy from the whole body, mind and spirit were working together and ultimately the experience transforms the maker in some way. This is spiritual. Also, I once asked my students (a third grade group of students) what they thought I had taught them. The reply from one of them was that “I taught them they had the power to decide.”

I think spiritually also exist, through creativity, you discover that you are on your own autonomous path within this world and you now have felt power to make decisions and continue to create your own path. I also think the process and the practice of art making references a type of spiritual or even religious practice because both require a certain work ethic and discipline as well as a healthy amount of observation, questioning, research, experimentation and reflection so that the practice functions as an agent of discovery and healing with in ones life. So I guess the answer is that the artwork itself may not always be (but sometimes is) spiritual but the practice of art making for me is most definitely spiritual and currently art making is one part of my life that feeds my spiritual needs.

M: Why do you think art is important?

A: I think art is important for all of the reason I gave above and because it is the vehicle that one can use to teach and learn true autonomy, character, confidence, academics, spirituality, physical and health education.

M: Thank you, Ashley, for sharing your thoughts on these subjects. I know this conversation will continue as time goes on--these are big questions and the “answers” will change, as we do, over time. I appreciate your authentic effort in engaging in this thinking and hope that as other artists submit their responses to these questions we can build a rich collection of thoughts and experiences on contemporary art practice.

Interview With Ashley Smith (part 3)

2010-04-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

(Links to part 1 and part 2)

M: How would you describe/define a breakthrough in your studio?

A: I think a breakthrough is a moment of sudden discovery that occurs while working or reflecting in the studio. The sudden discovery then moves you and aids in the progression and transformation of your work. It is a moment when some kind of barrier in the work, like a question, misunderstood concept or material that was once confusing suddenly becomes clearer as a result of working, researching, finding, collecting and reflecting. It is a major or significant moment of improvement that occurs after many other smaller improvements. For me a breakthrough occurs most often when I am working steadily in my studio.

M: How would you describe inspiration?

A: I believe Inspiration:

Is the power of moving the intellect and emotions through the process of consumption.
Is the arousal of the mind and emotion which moves one to creative activity.
Has to do with cultivating interests. You have to be an interested and aware person in order to know when something is inspiring. I think it helps to have inspiration training which I define as training that teaches one about what they like and what it feel like when they find inspiration that arouses their intellect, emotion and aesthetic, how and where to find inspiration and learning when you need it.
Comes from everywhere. It is from words, visuals, dreams, books, internet, nature, people, culture, color, material and the list goes on and on.
Happens when your heart and mind are seeking an answer of some kind. Even when inspiration seems like it comes from no where, I think you are subconsciously seeking it.
Is a sudden intuition as part of solving problems.
Is often the beginning of something or offering potential.
It is very exciting and fulfilling!

M: Why do you make art?

A: I make art because with every fiber of my being I LOVE IT. In life I am a maker and creator. It sounds cliché but it is true. Art making fills my spirit and simply makes me happy. My mind becomes stimulated and my hands have learned their purpose and now they know what to do. Art has made me in control. Art has made me a decision maker. Art has taught me how to listen and how to speak articulately when I need to. Art is a language I understand and communicate through and can always learn more from. Art provides obstacles which I enjoy working through. Art making and teaching gives me purpose. Art is part of everything and is everywhere and that makes me feel connected.

M: What's an example of an obstacle that you have worked through with your art?

A: Well there are many times when art seems to be the obstacle that I am working through but this question seems to be inquiring about an obstacle in life that I made it through as a result of creating art. I think for me this happens often but there is one moment that is sticking out clear in my mind. It was during my second semester of working toward my teaching certificate and our professor had us create three visual statements through out the class in response to questions about our self as a student, our worries or questions about working with students that have special needs and any other general questions or worries about teaching. They also served as a source for reflection within the program. Our professor is an art teacher and art therapist so she had us use art often to help us fully develop our ideas.

During our first visual reflection I created a drawing of a woman (me) doing a back-bend while being blindfolded on a floating rock. Essentially I was trying to convey a sense of strength and strong work ethic I felt as a student/teacher. I had a willingness and a need to be great, to ask great questions to find the answers because I really have a strong passion for art and teaching. I was willing to literally bend over backward to become the greatest. I also felt vulnerable within the program and as a teacher. The blindfold was about feeling unaware or blind to certain issues in art education and I was in the class to work to figure some of those issues out.

M: Also, backbends are often thought of in yoga as gestures of moving into the unknown!

A: This turned out to be a great healing and learning experience for all because what ended up coming out in my class crit was that it is ok for me to literally bend over backwards for my students and myself in order to achieve my goals. Having a passion for what you do is good. People (my peers) look up to me because of my drive to be knowledgeable, articulate and in general just great but they also get annoyed if I try too hard. It is a double-edged sword because I don't want to be annoying but I also don't want to kill my personality, my drive or my pursuit for more knowledge and skills just to make others feel less threatened.

So here is what I learned. By communicating through and reflecting on my art with my peers and professor I learned there is way of learning and succeeding in a group that is more balanced. I learned that I could tone it down a bit and still find success within the group by essentially sharing more and monopolizing the floor time less. My professor helped with this process. She recognized that probably there were others that had a similar need and knew how to fulfill it. Weekly she asked us to write and reflect, as she knew there was not always enough class time to answer everyone questions. She would respond to our reflections and questions so that we still had all that we needed. She did this every week and answered every question in writing and brought the really important or frequent questions up in class so that class time was really, really productive.

So, through my art I learned better about how to succeed and help others succeed within in a group. My peers understood more about me and my needs came out in the classroom to my professor so she could be a better teacher for me. The artwork served as a vehicle to get the information out there so I could productively overcome this obstacle. Perhaps this is not seen as major obstacle but it was one that really bothered me and I am glad to have figured out so that I could get what I need within the delicate balance of a group dynamic.

Two Kinds of Critiques

2010-04-19T06:58:00.001-07:00

I went to open BFA open-to-public crits at Pratt last week with a friend who graduated last year. I'm not sure why I didn't take any photos. The work was pretty interesting despite the usual undergrad flavor that comes from sourcing pretty much everything they know about art from academia. That was not meant as a criticism at all. On the contrary, I find it's really interesting to be able to learn so much from one place and one community in such a short span of time. But, as an artist who has been out of undergrad for just about 5 years, I feel like I am wearing different glasses when I see undergraduate art (including my own), glasses that reveal that "undergrad tint".

Some of the best advice I ever received when I was graduating with my BFA was something like, "there are a zillion Megan Bisbees out there. The best thing you can do it to go out and get a life." What I got from that was to go out and get some life experience. I'm not sure if what I've done so far is "getting a life" but I definitely have had some major life experiences that have influenced my work: touring with Glitter Chariot, living in Florida, Biking in Europe, teaching in Japan, etc. Even NYC has had a huge influence on my work. The more experiences I have, the more I realize that the way I see the world is just that: the way I see it. Other people see it completely differently and make art, behave, practice religions, and observe traditions from those perspectives. Literally, if someone does something that you wouldn't do it's because they see the world differently. Just knowing this has fostered a serious amount of compassionate thinking and a much less defensive way of talking about and viewing art. If I don't understand something I wonder what the artists perspective is.

The other thing that happens to all humans sometime before they're 26, is the development of the prefrontal cortex. You can read more about it if you go to that link, but basically, studies show that our brains don't fully develop until we are around 25. Correlated (maybe not caused... but maybe) with the changes in my brain came more of a settled feeling. I was 24 and 25 while living in Japan and that was a major time of realistically planning my future, becoming more realistic about time management and seriously questioning myself and the ways I make meaning. I became much more serious about yoga and began a regular meditation practice when I returned to the US last year. That is particularly interesting to me as I had tried to meditate during undergrad but just couldn't sit. I believe I didn't have the brain development for it. Whatever the cause for these changes are, I am a much different artist now that I was 5 years ago.

Anyway, this isn't a scientific article I'm writing. I'm offering observations that seem to indicate the fact that there is a certain artistic development that can only happen outside of school. What I really want to talk about is critiques: how they can be amazing educational tools but more often get muddied with mixed intentions and lack of witness consciousness.

The reason I love art crits so much is because they are times when other people can act as our witness consciousness. This means that they look at our work with fresh eyes and tell us, the artist, what they see, without judgement. This helps us to see what our work is actually doing out there in the world and compare it to what we think it is doing. It helps us as artists develop our own witness consciousness and in doing that we are able to observe the hang-ups we get stuck on at a distance-- worries that people won't like us, worries that our work is not good enough, beliefs that there is one way to make work and all others ways make "bad" work. Whichever thoughts are relevant to you, we all have some thoughts like these that, if they go unwitnessed, paint the color of the world we live in individually. By not practicing this witnessing, we are literally choosing to live in the world that tells us that we aren't good enough or that "that art is total crap". BUT, if we can't find some space within us to observe them and decide "yes, I'll stick with that thought" or "no, that thought is destructive" our brain literally reorganize itself (this is called neuroplasticity).

This where I find a discrepancy between what I believe can happen in crits and what actually happens. The biggest indication to me that crits have confused purposes is when I (often!) hear critics saying, "I just wish it was bigger/smaller/more dangerous/more elaborate/etc." This is not addressing the artist or the art at all. It is only addressing something which doesn't exist and literally telling the artist that their work is wrong but if they made it bigger it would be right. You may want to be a millionaire or to live in Thailand, but if you don't stop and observe your life at this moment nothing will improve in your life. An artist can't grow if we are telling him or her that, "sorry, this isn't the product I would buy. What I really want is..." My question is "What is already here? How does it make you feel? What is the work doing? Where does the work seem alive and where does it seem dead?" There are literally a zillion questions to ask in the moment of looking at the work and it isn't helpful at all to an artist to know that their product/artifact of creativity isn't what someone else wants unless they are doing market research.

So maybe the question is: Are we educating art students to create marketable products or are we teaching them how to BE artists? I think we are doing both and confusing one for the other, muddling up the way we look at work as we hop from one perspective to the other, sacrificing the benefits of each perspective. I could have used more of a dose of how to market my work and the business of being an artist, AND I also could have used more tools on how to really LOOK at work, how to be in the process of making work, etc. These are two different perspectives.

I propose that art education consciously practice two different kinds of critiques: one for process and one for product. By consciously I mean that the educators are go into the critique with enough witness consciousness of their own to steer the conversation in a direction that can fully benefit the artist. This can not only allow the artist to see their work in both the process realm and the product realm with fresh eyes, but by the very act of steering the conversation to directly and clearly deal with one inquiry at a time (process vs. product) models for the student how to do that for their crits in the future.

Anyway, more on this another time. Have a great week!

Space Pants Strike Again!

2010-04-15T16:13:00.000-07:00

"Space Dance Party Pants" earring.

Studio land before I disassembled my sculpture. I am cutting paper to attach to the wall so that it appeared that the sculpture was in a white room. I covered the base board and my closet. I must say I totally despise documenting my work BUT I had a thought recently that if I am in the creative "zone" that I am in when I made the work I take better pictures. I think it's because I look at my work with different eyes that depending on which are viewing the work, determine what the work looks like! So then is the documentation itself work on its own?

Bean! Dr. Pancake is a real cat now with huge ears, grey eyes and everything! But don't get confused by this photo and think he is a big dude. I documented his recent athletic excursions. He has taken to climbing my legs when I am in the kitchen.

I think one of his eyes is looking at my face and the other is looking at the camera... he's like Mad Eye Moody with his magical eye in Harry Potter.

Mmmmmorning light in the kitchen

Interview With Ashley Smith (part 2)

2010-04-15T16:02:00.000-07:00

This is the second part of my conversation with Ashley about her work. Click here for part 1.

M: In what ways is your creative process related to supported by or connected to the rest of your life?

A: Art making is connected to many aspects of my life and mostly this is because moments from my life and surroundings influence and inspire my art. In the past I have found that my art was most influenced by my physical surroundings. When I lived in Alfred, NY and in Seneca Falls, NY I felt very aware of the physical landscape and nature that surrounded me. My location was evident in my past artwork. Lately I have been less inspired by my current location (which is Buffalo, NY) and more inspired by my own internal landscape. I think my art is a reflection of my physical, emotional and possibly spiritual self or at least is representative of the internal activity going on in my body and mind.

Right now the artwork that I am currently making is an attempt to visually document emotions felt within the body. I believe that all emotions will eventually manifest physically within the body. When someone feels any emotion such as sad, angry, depressed, guilty or happy an aware person can see this emotion on or in a person. Emotions surface for various reasons and then create sensations within the body. Lately I have been trying to determine the connection between the emotion and the cause of the emotion. While this process is new to me and I don’t fully understand it, I believe the visual documentation of this process is a way of experiencing it and understanding it while trying to transform my thought and reactions to the cause and the emotion. Simply put, it is a way of learning how to deal and find peace through art. There is not a lot of emotional education in school and I think I might be in the process of retraining my emotional and physical awareness through art. To be quite honest describing it feels a little awkward like being in middle school going through puberty.

This process started when I was dwelling (almost obsessively) on emotions and feelings I was experiencing due to work related stress. Once I started writing, I discovered that the feelings I had could be described using very physical concrete language (such as layers of unsettled twisting, whirling, bubbling, hot, agitated pressure) I discovered I could use shapes, lines, forms, textures, color and structures that would become the language that would describe these feelings and perhaps imply the event or action that created the feeling. There are probably countless avenues of life that this body of work could be inspired by. An example of a few are the way inspiration feels and transforms, self punishment (which works like a disease or cancer) for not feeling like I am enough or living up to expectations that only I create or agree to, the land of paranoia I go to when I assume the thoughts of others, the guilt and or joy of food and the pleasure or adrenaline rush from any number of activities.

M: It's interesting that you went from school-- where you were expected to perform (through crits, tests, shows, etc.) in order to pass-- to a living situation where you are no longer expected to validate your art in any external way. During this transition your work went from being externally focused to being internally focused. Why do you think your focus changed from your external landscape to your internal landscape since leaving school?

A: I think for a number of reasons. During my undergrad I was very interested in mapping/recording my daily experiences and observations as they occurred in my physical external landscape. At Alfred, I was engaged in a new (to me) art making process (as well as new independent life situations) but in a landscape that I was very familiar with as I grew up there. Since I had a preexisting interest and knowledge of the nature and landscape of the area as well as the things and people in it, I believe it was a natural easy starting point. Work with what you know! Also, since there was so much pressure and concern about failure, success, crit, tests etc. I guess I didn't want to reinvent the wheel. I watched some of my peers finish critiques crying because their work was very personal and about their inner landscape (intentional or not) and the critiques just became more about the person and less about the work. I don't think I was ready to peel back the layers in front of a group of 20. So on to the transition.

I remember the point at which I started to transition to my inner landscape. At this point I have been living in Buffalo, NY for two years and was trying to find that burning question that I would use to make art about. I felt like I needed a new story of some kind. I also was feeling not so inspired by my new visual landscape and I was on a hunt for the next inspiring thing. Three major events also happened around this time. The first, being that I had gone back to school for my teaching certificate. This eventually led me to a very interesting (life changing, opinion forming, AH-HA moment) student teaching experience with one teacher in particular that focused on using art to teach elementary students how to be autonomous, responsible and thoughtful people that are confident decision makers. Part of her philosophy was to make students aware of and in control of their body and thoughts so that the artwork produced would naturally be quality because it was made with the highest amount of care and respect possible. Simply put she taught students to practice being present while making art so that they could feel and articulate what was going on in their mind and body while they worked. Eventually, the goal is that students would be able to transfer this knowledge into real life. Certainly, this was an education I never had and seriously was glad to be a part of and now I have adopted as part of my own teaching philosophy.

The second major event was that my other half quit a job he hated and bought a chiropractic office. Life as we knew it completely changed. So began a new round of evaluation and reflection within our relationship and our roles within the relationship and the way in which we would be living life.

The third and final major event (or major to me) was that during the school/student teaching process I had gained about 30 pounds and was very tired from the successful experience.

So, I was now living in a new life, 30 pounds heavier and on the hunt (and still hunting) for the ultimate lifetime teaching job and my burning art question. All of these events happening at once created the need to focus on my body, inner landscape and personal needs. I had to reflect on new experiences, changes in my body, my need to feel peace and happiness again with my renewed life as well as wanting to work on being more present and aware. So again it was only natural that my artwork became the place to begin exploring and mapping all of this stuff. That moment was an especially good time to do it because I was in the safety of my studio with no real threat of judgment.

"Drawing of Sugar on top of Fat on top f Salt"

M: I'm very interested in your feelings about talking about your search as being like talking about puberty. I often feel the same way about my own search because I think, like puberty, the process of transformation that happens when there is a search for meaning, is something all artists are going through but it's maybe so uncomfortable and unknown that we don't talk about it. It's a lot like puberty for me in that things are changing on their own--- perceptions and awareness of myself, of the world around me--- it is a total emotional roller coaster and there is a strange taboo around talking about it.

I also think that, like with puberty, the more we do talk about it, the easier it is to go through it as we share ideas, experiences and tools with each other. What did your experience of puberty have in common with your process of "retraining your emotional and physical awareness"?

The common link between the two experiences is having people to share and talk about it with. I am lucky to have people in my life that are willing to do this with me. You are absolutely right, talking is the best way to "share ideas, experiences and tools with each other" to make it through with out too many bumps and bruises.

M: Your work has an illustrative and map-like quality to it. It reminds me of Tibetan art where chakras and energies are mapped out. When you are painting these sensations is your imagery illustrating these sensations through a kind of encoding? Is there a difference for you between being with your experience and making whatever you are inspired to make (even if it looks nothing like a body) verses being with your experience and making a sort of map for it?

A: I am not sure I totally get this question but it seems like it might be one of the most important questions. In fact it might be the thing I am trying to figure out now in my work and can't quite wrap my head around. I do know that I am most definitely trying to develop some kind of code so that I can map out sensations and the experience that causes it.

M: When you look at your work when it is finished does it evoke some of the sensations from which it originated?

A: Sometimes it does. The work then reminds me (especially if it is a feeling or sensation I don't like or would like to change or transform) of how to better deal with the event, which initially caused the feeling. Life is full of repeats and if we can learn to deal with and develop tools which will assist with each repeat situation then we can eventually learn to change that situation over time and with hard work.

Interview With Ashley Smith (part 1)

2010-04-09T11:05:00.000-07:00

Ashley Smith in her studio

Ashley and I went to Alfred University together from 2001-2005. I have always been excited by Ashley's dedication to her work and to her own process of making meaning through art, cooking and relationships. Each of these aspects of her life seems to be directly intertwined and supportive of the rest. Ashley currently lives and makes work in Buffalo, NY.

M: What are your biggest struggles and fears in art making?

A: I think the biggest struggle I have with art making is creating and maintaining a consistent studio schedule. Since I am one to thrive in structure it is important to have a schedule that is dedicated to quality studio time where I work on only my work. This seems like not that large of a problem but it is so hard for me. It is as difficult as making a workout schedule. Both activities are things I enjoy and ultimately make me a healthier person and yet during weekly scheduling so many things come up that make each week different from the next. For some reason I edit out some of the activities that are probably the most important (like schools are making cuts in art education, physical education and music, hmmm?) It takes discipline and will power and that is something I am currently working on. When I don’t keep a schedule I am not as productive and then I start to feel feelings of guilt for not being productive enough and ultimately I end up feeling like I am not enough. This brings me to my biggest fear in art making. Perhaps my art is not beautiful enough, not conceptual enough, not connected to enough things, not meaningful enough, not professional enough and the list could go on. Not enough. This I fear will always be a struggle for me.

M: What would your ideal day be like? For example, is there a time of day that you feel more creative, or more energetic?

A: I feel most creative and energetic in the morning after I have had a good night’s rest. I think my most ideal day (not sure this will ever exist for me) would look like this:

Monday through Friday:

6:00 Wake up, eat breakfast, shower, sit with coffee and quiet. Perhaps make a to do list.

7:30 Leave for work.

8:00-12:00 Teach Art. At this point it could be any age group. Although I experience the most joy with elementary. Part time for me would be perfect right now so that I would have time for other activities that I love. I think I would be a healthier teacher too. It also makes sense to teach in the morning because I am my most alert and creative self, which will make me the most effective teacher in the morning.

12:00-2:00 Physical activity and rest/lunch time.

2:00-6:00 Studio time plus teacher plan time. This would be time for my studio work and any other teacher products or planning that I may need to do.

6:00-7:30 Prepare dinner and eat with family/friends (depending on day) at the dinner table with music and a bit of wine.

7:30-10:00 Nighttime adventures, chores, relaxing, talking, reading, movies, activities with Jordan, family, friends or home.

10:00 Bedtime. I have tried staying up later but I have found that my body doesn't like it. It likes 4 hours of rest for the body and 4 hours of rest for mind.

During the weekend:

8:00-9:00 Wake up, eat breakfast, coffee, shower, sit, quiet.

9:00-12:00 or 2:00 Studio time for me.

2:00 - 12:00 Could be many things.

12:00 Bedtime.

OK, so I realize that is super structured but that is it. The most ideal! It was fun thinking about that. The times listed above could be flexible (and life happens, it can't always go that smoothly) but the activities I listed would flow in that order. I think I would feel my most rested, happy and productive with a schedule like that.

"Mandala Sunrise"

M: I have the same experience about feeling guilty for not being productive. I also talked to another artist recently who went to Alfred with us and she said that same thing. I remember feelings of purposelessness when I wasn't productive before undergrad but not guilt until school. Did you have your feelings of guilt for not being productive before you went to undergrad?

A: No! This is a really interesting question. I never thought about this before. The only feelings about art that I had before undergrad were excited feelings. Occasionally I had moments of low confidence about my artwork or wonder about what I was making and why. What is the point? What was an art career? How will I live? I never felt guilt about art and productivity before undergrad. In fact I was probably more productive than my peers around me so there was no need to feel this way. I think the guilt came during my undergrad when everyone in our art community was so competitive about quality, crits, time spent on work. Egos ran large in undergrad. Somehow in undergrad the greater amount of time spent in the studio was somehow viewed as equivalent to the quality and quantity of work one produced. This I learned is not true but still I have these left over feelings of guilt.

M: Are there times when you feel like you are "enough"?

A: Yes. On days that I have a breakthrough in the studio I feel like I am enough. Also, on days in the studio or in the classroom where I experience the natural flow of work. Even if there is no breakthrough I still experience what they used to call "an honest day's work" and that makes me feel like I am enough.

I also feel full enough when I am in the kitchen preparing a healthy and delicious meal for my family and I. I am good at this and I enjoy this. It is a time that I feel creative, focused, productive, and that I am doing something that provides a very important need as well as want.

Spring Sale

2010-04-06T14:07:00.000-07:00

***Yay! SPRING SALE at my etsy shops!***

20% off all jewelry, paintings and greeting cards in April!!

*****************

This sale includes custom creations so if you have been wishing that something existed in this world but haven't been able to find it, let me know!

We can come up with an idea together and I will take it to Studio Land!

Are mushrooms animals?

2010-04-06T13:31:00.000-07:00

Moon Calories (detail)

Moon Calories

This is my new installation that I finished on Sunday and attempted to document last night (I am finally at the point where I need to retire my 6 mega pixel camera and invest in a sweet SLR digital camera. For now, this is the documentation I have.) I named it Moon Calories because I was recently reading The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan and he talked about how mysterious mushrooms are-- not just the magic type but mushrooms in general. One of the mysteries he mentioned was the fact that mushrooms possibly get their energy from the moon rather than the sun. What an amazing idea! It seems like moonlight would spawn and nurture amazing creatures and landscapes that exist by different rules as organisms that depend on the sun for food. As I was making this sculpture I suddenly thought, "If I ate this I bet I would ingest moon calories!"

Dying Sculpture #3:

(onions, uncooked spaghetti, lemon peel, an olive, pita, mustard and yogurt)

Already, since I made this sculpture this morning it has changed. The spaghetti has wilted. Everything seems to want to return to the ground...

I would love to find large terrarium jars to make these living and dying sculptures in.

Yoga class was cancelled yesterday so there is no theme to share with you today. I DO however have a stellar book to recommend: The Zen of Creativity: Cultivating Your Artistic Life by John Daido Loori. Much of my thinking and practicing has been inspired by this book lately. John Daido Loori is a photography and an American Zen master. He offers amazingly practical and enriching philosophies and practices to bring into your creative practice.

I hope you are having a fantastic Tuesday!

Crazy Trains

2010-03-31T12:39:00.000-07:00

Another "dying sculpture".

Mikel and I had a conversation last night about ephemeral-ness in art. It began when I admitted that I like the final "product" of my painting more than my sculpture (unless I consider the documentation of the sculpture the final product in which case I like it as much as a painting.) I think this is due to the fact that my sculpture is more of a stage performance, something that will exist for a certain amount of time before I take it down or before it totally deteriorates. Mikel suggested that perhaps there is more comfort in knowing that something will last (and conversely discomfort with something that deteriorates quickly). But he also talked about the value in lasting objects, like nice books, for example, that one can look at over and over again. They are a reserve or collection of information that doesn't change (or changes very slowly). There is value in both. I wonder why I prefer the more lasting collection of information more?

a black flower

Thoughts on thoughts: Have you ever walked into your studio, or sat down with your sketchbook and suddenly realized that your mind is super noisy and that there are obsessive thoughts repeating themselves over and over again in your head? Or have you ever been plagued with the desire to make the most unique things EVER and then felt totally slammed when you realized that someone else made the exact thing you did?

In Buddhism there is a tool called Dhamma Vicaya which allows anyone to step away from a thought, observe it, decide whether it is a helpful thought or not, and then to choose which thought(s) to move with. I heard a hilarious analogy last night at Dharma Punx. Josh, our dharma teacher, said that thoughts are like trains. We have a choice about which train we jump on but usually we just hop on the first one we see without any idea about where it is going. But we don't have to! I don't have to sit in my studio and hate myself or my work but how do I stand back and where is the train schedule?

Check out these ideas:

*Our thoughts are not our own. Everything we have ever said out loud or in our head we heard or learned somewhere else. By dis-identifying with our thoughts we are able to be more objective (less emotionally attached) to what we are thinking.

-For example, everything I write in this blog I learned somewhere else. Even the things that I learn through my own experience are colored by my socially constructed mind or by an experience that many other people have had. Even my art is not particularly unique: it references other artists' work, even art I've never seen. It's not because I copied it or they copied me. It's because our work comes from similar human experiences. It's true: that race to find the most unique idea EVER in the studio is a bunk idea. It's an idea that Modernism was fueled by. There's a reason Modernism gave way to new art movements.

*Our thoughts do not indicate anything about our identity.

-My thoughts are not "me". If they were I would be crazy! (although, who's to say I'm not ;-) I would be at once totally stuck on myself as I attach to the thoughts I love to attach to ("I'm so awesome and creative! I'm better than him. Everyone likes me!") and also totally depressed as I attach to negative thoughts ("I suck. I'm not doing anything worthwhile because I'm making any money. Will he be mad at me for not taking his suggestion?...) See? Crazy. And that's not all of it! The truth is, I'm not totally awesome or totally worthless. Maybe my thoughts or actions are, but I am not. I'm just a girl trying to move around in this life doing the least amount of harm and looking for lasting happiness.

**********

It's also helpful to think of thoughts as friends/separate "people" that we are choosing to spend time with. Would I rather spend time with the friend who is telling me I am better everyone? Worse than everyone? Or maybe with someone who is telling me that I'm human, having experiences like everyone else and that we're all connected? (I choose that one!)

So what the heck do I do when I am bombarded with thoughts?

1- Take a breath.

2- Notice where you feel any tension in your body. Every thought comes from an emotion. Every emotion manifests in the body someplace. Find it.

3- Ask yourself:

-Is this thought true?

-Is this thought helpful or useful?

-Is this the right time?

If you answer "no" to any of these questions, you can step away from that train and choose a new one. These questions are the key to choosing which train to hop on. They are a sort of DIY train schedule. But first you have to breathe and come back to your body in order to be able to choose.

And seriously, if your ideas are true, useful and come at the right time, your work is totally awesome and valid, despite the fact that it may look like someone else's.

Happy making!

Dying Sculptures and a Camel Ride

2010-03-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

Happy Tuesday! Here's a glimpse into my studio. I took this image this morning after spending three rainy hours working on my new sculpture that reaches from the floor to the ceiling (the yellow creature and the squiggly stuff at the top are part of it). I had a new breakthrough last week. I am including ephemeral elements in my sculpture: balloons, live plants, lights, pieces that are pinned together rather than glued, etc. This lead to a whole new body of sculpture:
So far, I've been calling this sculpture sketch a "jar sculpture" but really I don't think it's a very good name because it has very little to do with the idea... maybe "living sculpture", "dying sculpture"...

In "fine" art there is an emphasis on, and huge support for, archival work (work that will last longer than we do). There are two reasons for wanting this for its own sake: so that it will stand in the world for us when we are gone (immortality) and so it will be worth the pretty penny we are hoping to sell it for. I am not making a judgement on these at all. I'm pointing them out because I don't think it is often discussed directly and I sometimes fall in the trap of feeling like it's against some mysterious rules for me to make work that won't last. When I am making a painting, I totally think about how to make it last, at least as long as I do (mainly so I don't have someone call me and yell at me when my paint cracks and falls off...) and I DO want to sell paintings! It's one way that I can make a living from my creations. But lately, I have been thinking about the fact that my ideas and my process have nothing to do with lasting forever. In fact I think much more often about impermanence. Everything will end sometime. We are all moving breath by breath to our own death. We totally regenerate every molecule in our body every 5 years. In in five years you and I will be totally different people. I don't mention this as a doom-n-gloom reality check as much as a reminder to appreciate every moment. Each moment is different.

To play with this idea I put stuff in jars that will decompose, change, mold, etc. In this one I have string, soap, food coloring, an egg shell, a banana piece, green onion bits and yogurt. I am interested in watching it change and photographing it as it is both living and dying. It is one changing sculpture... or is it many sculptures?

On the outside of the jar, I made a sculptural response to what was inside with less ephemeral materials. Is it a shrine? I don't know. I also don't know if I will keep the outside sculpture elements and that I would like to find large glass domes to create these in (hence the fact that these are sketches).

Yesterday's yoga class theme: Having the humor to notice when it's just not right.

"Damn Thirsty" by Hafiz

First

The fish needs to say,

"Something ain't right about this

Camel ride--

And I'm

Feeling so damn

Thirsty."

Have you ever noticed that your job just doesn't fit your natural rhythm at all? Or that you are really a morning person but you stay up too late so that you are totally wasted when morning comes? Or that you thought you liked Pepsi all this time but when you really taste it you don't really? (maybe you just like the nostalgia it carries with it...) Often we are starving or thirsty for nutrients from life but we are really fish on a camel ride, doing something without questioning it while it is blocking or damning up the flow of ease and inspiration that exists infinitely out there for each of us.

What am I doing that is blocking my natural flow? For a while I was spending WAY too much time on the computer. Computers basically make me feel ill and I was treating it like I was addicted, checking it every few minutes, looking up random stuff on Google, stressing myself out reading horror stories about bad things that can happen to baby kittens, etc. Rather than being in my studio and just being there long enough for my process to start flowing I run back and forth to this damn camel disguised as a computer. Do I have to ride this camel in order to hop from one stream to the next? Is it OK to be a fish riding a camel as long as I jump in the water often enough? Can I really need something (internet access) that is not natural for me? Is there a way to make the camel go swimming?

Upcoming: I have some excellent writings and thoughts coming in about creativity, inspiration and spirituality from artists that I will be posting soon!

Keep it real and remember, the next breath you take is totally different from all the rest!

Tools To Flip The Pancake of Struggle and Liberation

2010-03-23T12:49:00.000-07:00

On Monday nights I teach yoga at a friend's house to a small and dedicated group of friends, most of whom are visual artists. Each class has a theme. The themes are all related to what is relevant in my life at the moment. I realized that these themes are important enough to me that I have much more to say than I can possibly say in a yoga class without it turning into a lecture. But, this is a good place to let it spill.

On choosing themes: As you may have noticed, I am interested in combining ideas that are usually lumped in the category of "art" and ideas that would more easily be lumped in the category of "meditation" or "spiritual path".

If I just freaked you out by using the word "spiritual" just for a moment allow your eyebrows to relax and take a deep breathe. I did not use the word "religion". I will never talk about following a certain doctrine or set of beliefs. I realize that the idea of spirituality is not popular at the moment for many reasons. Part of that is because we regularly and unconsciously, worship at the alter of capitalism without any awareness of how or why. The extreme capitalism monster would love it if we were forever unfulfilled, empty, and longing so that we continue to engage in the system at the expense of our lasting happiness. In my experience, a "spiritual path" is a path of increasing awareness of ourselves so that we are able to empower ourselves within the capitalist system, an in any system: not be slaves to it and not to discard the system.

That said, I believe that everyone is on some sort of spiritual path. We are all constantly evolving, even if it is impossible to notice from day to day. Some people get stuck in one bend of their path. Some people get confused or scared and walk backward for a while. Others take a detour off the path into the woods for a while (which is really still part of the path). Other people run full steam ahead into the dark path and then get totally freaked out and have to stay where they are for a while... OK, you get the idea: we all go about it in different ways. The funny thing is that many people don't realize that they are on a path at all and really, that's totally fine because you are still on it. It doesn't go away just because you don't recognize it. There are benefits, though, to recognizing it because there are inevitably struggles on the path, kinks in the road, that can pretty much feel like the end of the world. If you know you are on a path, these kinks can be approached in new ways: we can realize that they will pass, trusting that the path continues beyond the kink, and also realize that the struggle is an auspicious gift, which brings me to yesterday's theme:

Struggle and Liberation:

On Sunday I was pretty much having one of those days where I was totally bummed, irritable with everything that came in the general vicinity and couldn't do anything but watch three episodes of Northern Exposure to get past my sour mood. I still am not sure why I felt that way but I suspect it is related to the stress of new craft sale possibilities.... anyway, when I shared this with my yoga students last night they replied, "Wow! We should have an emergency phone tree so we can talk about this when we feel so bummed and lonely! I had no idea that other people feel like this!"

This was so amazing for me to hear! If there is one thing that all humans have in common it's that we struggle. I even struggle with struggling, sometimes tricking myself into thinking that I'm having the wrong kind of struggle or that I'm struggling the wrong way (what does that even mean?!) Every artist goes into his or her studio, and more often that other people think says/thinks, "Shit! This is all crap! Why the hell am I here? I'm not really an artist. I don't even know what any of this stuff is!" I pretty much think something like this about once a day, not all day, but it's there, waiting for my defenses to be down so it can bombard me with 1,000 renditions of "I suck!" (sung to various pop tunes.) I practically throws a party when I am stressed out by something else or when I get a rejection letter (which, by the way, happens O-F-T-E-N), etc.

OK, so what do we do with this common delicious, juicy challenge? (what? delicious? juicy?)

The basic idea is that struggle and liberation are two sides to the same pancake. Struggles are not delicious simply because they are half of a pancake (although, it doesn't hurt!) they are delicious because every struggle is an auspicious gift... one might say the are "like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get". In the case of being in a studio funk, if I choose to struggle with conscious awareness I can learn new tools to get out of it when it inevitably overtakes me again and learn new things about myself and my work in the process.

So what are these tools that I can use to find new treasures in my experience? It's one thing to be told, "Oh yea, struggle is awesome!" and it's a total other thing to be in that dark place and find something skillful to hold onto until it passes. The mind is an amazing tool for structure and problem solving. When it has nothing to focus on though, it freaks out and runs amok. It likes to worry. It's good at worry. It's not so good at the intuitive, creative stuff that happens in the studio. It is an amazing tool to use for creating structure and totally necessary in an art practice, but when it loses interest or starts to worry, LOOK OUT!

Some tools:

So here are some specific things we can do:

1. Do something that inspires you, ANYTHING. I'm talking: go for a walk, read Manga, cook a delicious dinner, watch Norther Exposure, make earrings, dance like mad to a radical jam, read about houses built out of recycled materials, etc. These things may not seem like they have anything to do with making art but they do. The inspiration you feel when you do these things is the exact same inspiration you feel in your studio when you are on a roll. Feed the source.

(Elliot Hundley's work inspires me!)

2. Call another artist. You can call anyone you want, really, but all artists know the studio funk and non artists may not recognize their own funk as related (although it is). Just call someone and say, "hey, today kinda sucks. I'm in a total funk. I just need a little bit of a lifeline." Tell them you're in a funk. It's important that we know that we aren't alone. We all go through the same thing and we all get out of it but for some reason we don't share this (are we embarrassed?) It may help just to know that the other person we called has felt the same way at some point or another (or perhaps at that exact moment!) and if we're lucky, they may have some new tools or ideas to get out of the funk that we never thought of.

3. Do something for someone else. Make a funny card for your grandmother who probably doesn't receive enough funny cards. Make chocolate coconut cupcakes for your roommate/husband/mother's Merry Un-birthday. Buy a balloon, blow it up, draw an awesome picture on it with a sharpie and give it to the next person you see wearing florescent pink shoes. Do something with the intention in mind that you are doing it as a sort of gesture or gift for someone else. It will remind you that you are not alone and that your actions actually make a difference in the world.

4. Just look:

"The mere act of observing something changes the nature of the thing observed."

~Physicist Werner Heisenberg talking about "The Observer Effect"

Just take a seat in your studio (I like to sit with a cup of tea or coffee and my sketchbook) and just look. Don't do anything except look around. Allow thoughts of "good" or "bad" to float by. You can even start by writing down all of your worries and criticisms until your mind gets tired (don't worry, it won't take as long as you think and by writing them down they won't need to replay again and again in your mind because they know they have been recognized and listened to) and then just sit and look around. See what you notice. Just sitting in your studio is sometimes (often) more productive that making anything because as soon as you observe something you are changing it. The mere act of observation is an act of creation.

With some combination of these recipes for facing struggle, you can flip over that struggle-flavored pancake and realize that the other side is liberation-flavored and you are free to keep moving along the breakfast buffet of life. You are having the struggle you are supposed to have. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. There's no wrong way to eat a pancake.

OK, yes, I am posting pictures of my cats on here, but seriously, Dr. Pancake finally opened his eyes and no one should miss it.

Cool Hats, Beanster and Blog Shiftings

2010-03-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

Happy sunny Brooklyn Wednesday!

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what my blog means, who I hope would read it, and why. I decided that my blog is the public reflection on my own path toward finding my "real" work in life (real meaning something that allows me to deepen my everyday experience and work that contributes to lasting happiness and peace). It truly is a path full of beautiful vistas where I can see the big beautiful picture of my life and also brambly forests and mud puddles where I wish I had just stayed home in my warm bed eating a mountain of pancakes and watching Northern Exposure.

I have noticed that there is a lot of writing and press about artists, what they make, and what inspires them. I love that wealth of information and am happy to tap into it whenever I need that kind of zesty, juicy pick-me-up in the inspiration, motivation department. For example, today I discovered this AMAZING hat maker, Zara Carpenter, on etsy.

What I notice about this focus on the products of the art making process I think that we are missing an essential dialogue about where these things come from. I believe that "good" art is the physical manifestation of one's inspiration that went into making it. That's why some art is well crafted but seems "dead" while totally untrained artists can make totally transcendent, stellar work. Why? How does this happen? How can art making be a fearless life adventure and tool for looking deeper into our experience rather than just a factory process to make something for others to buy? How can this process live harmoniously within the marketplace? (because I am surely not implying that we all just become art monks and nuns, giving up the possibility of making a living from what we love to do.) What does it mean to be on a path? Why would I even want to be on such a path? Can we be on a path and not even know it? (yes, I think so.)

What I have been curious about lately is collecting writing about artists' processes and the connections between the studio and the rest of life. Why do we make what we make? Why do we make anything at all? What is your individual experience in your studio? Is there a conscious link between spirituality and art-making for some artists? How does your art-making connect to the rest of your life? It's all about the process and less about the work (although there will be that too, of course!)

Therefore, starting soon, I will be posting the writings of other creative people on such topics while also continuing to blog about my own. I would like this blog to be a resource for anyone who is creative or wants to find more creativity in their life. I would like this blog to inspire and foster self-reflection and more awareness of ourselves as creative people. I believe that, as awareness expands, it increases the potential to live in a way that is true to ourselves, our real work, and leads to lasting happiness and peace.

If you find interesting readings, videos, artists, etc. please let me know so I can find a way to contact them (or you!) and allow this blog to grow!

On that note, I'll leave you with a new pic of Calliope and the beanster.

Dr. Pancake and the Seedlings

2010-03-10T12:57:00.001-08:00

"If I Were a Gypsy"

I finished this painting yesterday for a silent auction at Lohin Geduld to raise money for a Haiti relief fund. I recently learned about an amazing band called Gogol Bordello. They are a Gypsy punk band from the Lower East Side (I'm not sure how that makes them a Gypsy band... but whatever) and their energy is infectious! They ooze freedom and authentic full self expression. For this painting, I looked at a photo I took last Thanksgiving at the parade. This one was from a Sesame Street float but it's totally not important that you can see it now. I was inspired by the energy of Gogol Bordello and decided I would paint as if I was a wanderlust queen (not too far off, eh?)

Ok, I swear I'm not a crazy cat lady. I SWEAR. Weird stuff just happens to me. In fact, I like to think of these happenings as auspicious, not weird.

Anyway, this morning I woke up to do my morning sit and I realized that Calliope was under the covers between us. I thought, "Oh, how cute." I sat down, lit a candle, decided to dedicate my sit this morning to wishing peace for everyone in the Universe (nothing big, really-- I just learned that it's common to dedicate a practice to something so that's what my sleepy mind picked today) and I suddenly heard Mikel go "Oh my gosh!" (or something like that) and I heard some very tiny and cute squeaking. I turned around and into my life entered:

Dr. Pancake:

the new orange addition to our little apartment. I guess I should have dedicated my practice to a healthy birth or something like that but truthfully, we were so shocked because we didn't know Calliope was preggers! I'm hoping this is the only new one. It isn't rare for a young momma to have only one and since we weren't sure about keeping Calliope, even Dr. Pancake is a stretch, but more doable than if he had siblings. Anyway, Calliope and Dr. P are snuggled in a box now nursing and snoozing away.

Other new little additions to our apartment is our garden-in-the-making:

This is a view of our compost bin and purple cat bed on the fire escape which will be the new site for our garden. I ordered seeds from Hudson Valley Seed Library (which now I realize I could have bought a the Co-op we newly joined, but anyway, both good businesses to support!) and yesterday I planted interesting things like "Prudens Purple Tomato" and "Dinosaur Kale" in little containers with organic soil (which, by the way, I'm very bummed about because I had no choice but to buy the Miracle Grow kind which has chicken waste in it from factory farms, I think, and smells like a turtle and it says on the package to wear gloves when planting which is totally gross) Anyway, I hope I didn't ruin our future harvest!

There are all the little containers, mainly tofu containers, in our "greenhouse" which is really the large window sill in my studio. I put plastic bags with holes on top of them so they are like terrariums, keeping in heat, allowing for oxygen exchange, and self watering for a while. I'm very excited!

Finally, I just had a very inspiring conversation with my sister about marketing myself so I am off to get on that ASAPple. Hope you all are having a great week! I have some new blog transformation ideas of my thinking sleeve (which is like a thinking cap, but a place where I keep ideas rather than make them) which I may write about tomorrow, but until then may you be peaceful!

Questions for Artists

2010-03-04T11:09:00.000-08:00

Thursday afternoon studio photos.

(Paintings in progress.)

Comments on my last post have spawned a whole new batch of questions:

I am curious about why it seems that many artists do not notice the connection between their inner world/experience and their creative process? Is it because the process of finding that inner self and learning to listen to it is a process that inevitably unfolds over time and I mainly am in contact with young artists like myself? Or is it because there are not many resources in mainstream society for learning to cultivate this connection? I wonder if other art school educated artists feel like their undergrad education offered such guidance or if it did not? If not, do you wish it had? I would love to hear your thoughts!

On a quick side note, I just published my yoga website!

www.passionartyoga.com

Pass it on!

Self Knowing

2010-03-03T07:40:00.000-08:00

This is the temporary banner for my yoga website I'll be publishing in the next day or so. (Temporary because I would prefer two photos of me doing yoga rather than one of me posing for a picture at a wedding and one of a random lady meditating by the sea... anyway, it expresses the energy I intend for the site and business.) I have decided to call my yoga business "Yoga and The Art of Self Knowing". This will allow art to enter into it when the time comes.

To me, self knowing is the essence of being on the path of art and yoga. Through authentically practicing both I meet my true self over and over again. Each time I see myself, my relationship the world around is revealed. This revelation allows me very little choice but to engage in the world in a new way (I could deny I saw anything new an just continue to live as I had before, but on this path it's sort of a choice of being honest with myself or not. I usually try to choose honesty. It keeps the cycle going more smoothly). This new, purposeful engagement with the world is a recreation of myself. It is an act of art and creativity which brings the process in full cycle once again but this time at more depth than when it began.

So really, what the heck does that all mean? (Abstract much?!) Here's an example in my studio: I made very busy, colorful paintings for a long time. I still make busy and colorful paintings, but the energy is different. In my older paintings such as:

"Watching 1,000 Things" (2007)

I wasn't sure why I was making these paintings or what they would look like when finished. The process of authentic making entails a mystery and a curiosity that brings me back to the studio over and over again and allows the hours in the studio to sometimes disappear in the flow of creating.

Through the making of them, though, I noticed that they mimicked my inner space: busy, claustrophobic, noisy, unsettled, unwieldy, joyful and interesting (to me!). When I moved to Japan I felt a shift, a desire for more space, more peace, more settling. Now, about three years later, I am still shifting, painting to a new mysterious tune. Trying to keep what is interesting to me, to keep my joy and energy, but to allow it to exist in more space and calm. I am also interested in what it there when my joy is not. My shadows.

Whatever comes from this shift, or any shift, the most important thing it to realize is that the way I engaged with the world-- what I look at for inspiration, what I read, what I paint from, what colors I use, etc.-- changed because I saw myself in my paintings and decided to actively recreate myself. Just by making something I was able to see myself in a new way and then choose to engage in the world based on that self knowing.

This is what I hope to offer other people in my work as a teacher. This is what I will continue to do through my yoga and art practice throughout my life.

"Permeable Limits: Ghost and Squirrel Work Together" (2009)

Fragmentation and a Cheese Grater

2010-02-25T09:36:00.000-08:00

"The most awkward means are adequate to the communication of authentic experience, and the finest words no compensation for lack of it. It is for this reason that we are moved by the true Primitives and that the most accomplished art craftsmanship leaves us cold."

Ananda K. Coomaraswamy

(I would like to start by just mentioning that I realize the word 'Primitive' is outdated. It assumes that anyone who isn't part of the "educated normal" is categorized by society as basic, unintelligent or naive. This quote is by a philosopher of art, among other things, who lived from 1877-1947 so he himself was part of a different era. While it is an ignorant word to use now, his quote brings to the forefront the possibility of understanding that artists that are thought of as 'primative' are in fact tapped into their authentic experience, something that "educated normals" have been seeking for as long as we have existed. It brings into question who is really more primitive? If artists such as Henry Darger have the tools and capacity to make strikingly meaningful, authentic and beautiful art in the face of loneliness, poverty and other debilitating effects of his traumatic childhood I would ask, how are those profound skills primitive? Is it not more primitive to not have the ability to tap into that autheticity? Just a question... on with the show!)

by Henry Darger

I am reading the book Zen and the art of making a living By Laurence G. Boldt. I have been inspired for a long time by another of his books, The Tao of Abundance, and this is along the same lines in terms of being full of inspiring information but also offering practical tools for seeking out "real" work that is a rewarding, full expression of the true self and acts as an invaluable contribution to society.

Boldt recognizes how out of fashion it is these days to talk of spirit and true self. This passe reputation seems to be in direct correlation with our culture's sworn allegiance to science and industry: to all that is concrete, controllable and able to be known through our five senses. I am not suggesting that science and industry are somehow bad or invaluable. Our concrete senses are essential to existing in the concrete world. Without them we would not have bodies or brains to think about such fascinating topics. I wouldn't have this computer, the tea I'm drinking or the adorable but semi-irritating cat sitting on my lap. The problem with being an exclusive lover of science and industry is that it exists in a framework of fragmentation.

A good metaphor is color: digital color is divided up into separate compartments because it exists in pixels. The vary nature of pixels in that they are separate bits that make up a whole. From what I can understand, every color pixel has a name or code that indicates it. Non-digital color, like on an artist's palette, is fluid and the mixing of colors makes a totally different substance with a totally different color that is directly connected to the colors that created it. The newly mixed color may not have its own name but exists all the same.

The important thing to notice is that both types of color make up a bigger picture (literally). They are both valuable and they can communicate with each other (hence the fact that I can take a digital photo of my painting and post it on the web).

The problem with any fragmentation is when one fragment is unaware of the bigger picture it makes-- the way and reason for which the fragments are actually connected. They appear separate by our senses if looked at one by one. Without being aware of this connection, meaning goes out the window. Connection goes out the window. Our energy goes out the window. The pattern becomes how to make more separate bits, how to control them and how to find somewhere to put them once they do exist. Any why?

deep breath...

(rice paddies in China)

I have to take a deep breath and look at the beautiful landscape above because in my daily experience I often feel like I am continually rubbing against a cheese grater, fragmenting myself so that some of me can go over there and try and be one thing, some of me can stay home and be another thing. All the while I'm not realizing what I'm grating up, how tasty of a cheese I am or what the kitchen is like that I'm being grated in!! Ok, I know I'm going overboard with the cheese imagery, but I am totally serious. I'm exhausting myself! Now, granted, I am doing it with a bit of foresight-- hoping to make a killer pizza or eggplant parm in the end-- but I must be delicious already or I could never make a delicious meal later, right? I am fragmenting myself with hopes of finding interconnection later while I am totally missing the interconnection in my life right now!

To tie in the initial quote at the top (which inspired this whole long winded extravaganza) I am inspired by the idea that true authenticity needs no high craftsmanship to be expressed. I am interested in relaxing a bit in the camp of trying to do something the "right way" and to just start trusting that wherever I am, I can be in my authenticity and whatever I make or express in that authenticity will be "adequate to the communication of [my] authentic experience". I can trust that if I start to see my life as it is right now as one, big beautiful picture, and not a hot cheese grater on wheels, that I am already part of a beautiful bigger picture that would be (is!) a shame to miss.

"Lupulgna" by Makinti Napanangka, an Aboriginal artist.

"Women's Dreaming" by Tanya Napangardi, also an Aboriginal artist (same website).

New Etsy Shop

2010-02-16T12:17:00.000-08:00

**Grand Opening**

My new etsy shop is officially open!

I've listed 6 different greeting cards and two variety packs.

I have hopes of including art prints of the paintings soon.

Each 5.5"x 8" card is printed on 30% recycled glossy card stock.

(they can be printed on 100% recycled matte card stock if requested)

Their envelopes are 100% recycled.

Have a lovely day!

Inspiration as a Taste of Transcendence

2010-02-11T09:02:00.000-08:00

My studio today: packed to the brim like a party put on hold, waiting to bust out again. It has been put on hold in a very real, tangible sense as I have been away for much of the last few months. While away at my final weeks of yoga teacher training, though, we did 24 hours of silence. In that silence I heard my creative voice speak up loud and strong. I spent the day drawing and writing tons of ideas that suddenly surfaced in the space I had created in my silence. It's the same space I create when I am home in my studio... if I can keep from distracting myself.

As I practice many things in my life, I have often asked myself: what do these things have in common? If I can find a common thread then perhaps I can overlap them more and simplify while also seeing their interconnectedness. The commonality I have found is their direct relationship to inspiration. Without inspiration I would not want to do anything. If doing is a metaphorical act of expiring, or breathing out, how would that be possible without first breathing in, inspiring!

Some thoughts on inspiration: I believe that we are all naturally inspired by something(s) and that the inspiration we have is due to some sort of glimpse of transcendence of the everyday mundane. The everyday mundane is full of names, labels and "should/shouldn't". If mundane can be transcended, suddenly a cup can be a hat, a deep, magical pool of water, an eyeglass, a musical instrument... the possibilities are endless! How strange the world is that we live in! How strange our bodies are! Really look at your hands with their long, delicate, fleshy and sensitive appendages that do a million things without us really having to think much about it! What a weird color they are! Texture! Variety of temperatures! If we become to stuck in believing that everything we see fits with the ideas we already have in our heads, there is no space or freedom to be creative in anyway; to see anything in new, unique way. In that mundane world, what is the point in doing anything, other than because we are afraid of losing what we know. When the mundane can be transcended, just imagine the fun and fluidity in life!

(This is a sculpture in progress. It is jammed up between the doorway (left) and my earring racks (right). I wonder every time I'm in there to make something new, what will happen when my studio is so full that I can no longer enter? Maybe it will explode and cover the world with colorful scraps that people can collect and glue back together into new sculptures!)

(This is on the bulletin board in my studio where I put inspiring things.)

But what if we don't know what inspires us? After all, our culture doesn't talk much about the importance of inspiration so we may not know it when we see it. Even artists (or perhaps especially artists because happiness/fluidity in the studio is such a heavy topic with many artists I know) find that the sparkle of inspiration falls away unexpectedly, leaving just the things: paint, paper, clay, dust... and the question, what's the point? Why am I even doing this?

I can only tell you why I'm doing this and it is directly connected to why I love art in general. I believe that art is the manifestation of the transcendence and inspiration that I am talking about. It is proof that there is something more than just stuff, labels, the mundane. Everyone needs to know that this transcendence is possible, whether we make art or not, because the truth is, this stuff-- this computer, my hands, the weather, paint, my new cat friend Calliope-- won't be this way forever. It is the nature of the universe to change. Being so caught up in labels and rules is a set-up for fear as it could change any second. So what else is there? That's why I'm doing this: to manifest glimpses of magic, sparkle and what is sacred. It is one way that I exhale.

I also believe that if the artist is inspired while making their work (or while coming up with the idea) that the work will be imbued with that inspiration and thus offered to the viewer as a taste of transcendence.

(My overflowing book nook by my bed. A place for rest and thinking. Delicious!)

May you and I find peace and delicious inspiration!

Love, Work, Play and Inspiration

2010-02-10T11:16:00.000-08:00

When I returned home last Friday night from my yoga teacher training this is what I found! Mikel had cut "Megan" and "Yogi" out of silver paper and hung it in the dining room before leaving for work that morning. So cool!

I am officially a Kripalu Yoga Alliance certified instructor!! The transition back into the "real world" has been strange, colorful and slow. I can already feel the everyday stress pulling my eyebrows together and twisting me up into a puckered pretzel. I met with another yoga teacher friend yesterday for tea and he told me that I seem stressed or sad. The truth is, I am loving my life here in NYC pursuing my "real" work yet I just feel like I am pulled in a million different directions in the effort to get my work flowing. I have a hunch that if I do less in my day and if what I do is done with mindfulness and zest, my eyebrows will more naturally relax on the sunny beach of my brow and my body will only reference a snack food if I ask it to (twizzler-asana? mmmmm...)

So here's a big question lately: is it OK (healthy?) to use my youthful energy to pursue my dream job as if I'm wildly chasing down a pack of deer? And if so, will it actually come to fruition the way I dream, with both rewarding hard work and delicious leisure? OR, is my life now the way it will always be so should I therefore allow deadlines to be less strict, my opportunity radar to take a weekend off and my feet to be resting so sweetly up on something comfortable at least once a day while I take deep breaths? After all, if my life will always be like it is now doesn't it make sense to incorporate daily what I wish to be in my day forever?

I think it may be possible to do both: work hard and relax hard. If I had a chalice right now I would lift it to "live today like I want to live every day!!"

Now to put that into action...
For my "work hard" category today I hooked up our new printer that my sister and her husband gave us for Christmas. (I feel to supported in my crafting dreams!) I started right away today printing some greeting cards and my new business cards. It's like magic!

To help me practice relaxing and enjoying life a bit more, here's Calliope who is trying to adopt us... and who I am having a seriously hard time refusing... She has some mad crazy relaxing skills.

The key to all of this happiness-in-life stuff, in my opinion, is finding inspiration. My inspiration for the day (well one inspiration) is this artist, Pim Palsgraaf.

Sweet love, sweet work, sweet play and sweet inspiration! I wish it for everyone!

Beauties

2010-01-22T11:55:00.000-08:00

This is by David E. Kearns, a Vermont artist who's work I love. His website does not do it justice because the images are too small to appreciate the interesting ways he uses paint. His work is deceptive. He has an innocent, primal way of approaching form that makes his work seem simple yes gorgeous in the same way that children's drawings are romanticized. Out of my love of it, I tried copying certain elements and was blown away by how particular he paints and how much more complex it is than it seems.

Another of David's. His use of blue in this slays me.

This is a georgeous book that Steph of Rivulette told me to check out because of the cover.

It's amazing! thanks! I Just realized that she is making these awesome garland strings that I love:

Check them out in her shop!

I will not be blogging again for another two week chunk as I am off once again to Kripalu to complete my yoga teacher training. Hope you are all well! Until February!

GliGlitch

2010-01-20T12:44:00.000-08:00

Glitch (2010) 58"x 69", acrylic and gouache on collaged papers.

(detail of Glitch)

New Work

2010-01-18T08:43:00.000-08:00

First Three (2010) 36"x36", acrylic and gouache on panel.

Mikel has been working his butt off for a while now totally re-working my website. He put it up this weekend and it includes my work that I made at Vermont Studio Center. It doesn't include my very newest work so I'll continue to post it on here so you can see it!

Another new painting! Happy MLK Day!

What We Bring (2010) 36"x 36", acrylic and gouache on panel.

Vital Energy

2010-01-11T11:17:00.000-08:00

Prana Ghost (2009) 36"x36" acrylic and gouache on panel.

A new painting that I finished yesterday. What a yellow presence it has!

**Prana**

In yoga and Vedantic philosophy, Prana is the notion of life-sustaining energy.

Much of what I'm learning in my yoga teacher training is how to pay attention to my own Prana (energy). How to create more energy and how to use it efficiently and not waste it.

***Free Yoga Classes!***

If you are in New York City and you would like a free yoga class or two to learn more about your energy or just to stretch the winter stiffness out of your bod, let me know and we can make a date before January 24th!

Jai Bhaguan!

(Kripalu's version of "Namaste!": The light within me honors the light within you.)

Happy New Year

2010-01-08T13:39:00.001-08:00

"Slinky Pinky" (recently sold in my etsy shop!)

Happy New Year!

Once again it has been an extended chunk of time between entries. I have less to share with you visually than I do conceptually (hence the slightly outdated-yet-fun jewelry image above).

Continuing on my path toward work that is meaningful and fulfilling, I am currently working on my homework for my yoga certification (I return in two weeks to complete the course), applying to a few art residencies, working in my studio, and reading some excellent books.

Yoga: I've designed a 45 minute practice teach class that I will hopefully teach a few times to Mikel and other willing participants in the area before returning to Kripalu (any willing participants in the area? Comment and let me know if you want a free yoga class or two!) I have to record the audio of me teaching, listen to it while I "take" the class myself and write a paper about what I noticed. I've already learned that I have a difficult time allowing other people to be uncomfortable. This is a difficulty because, as a yoga teacher, I am creating a safe experience for my students to be present in, particularly experiences of being at the edge of their comfort zone. This is inherently uncomfortable. If I am unable to allow students to be uncomfortable, I will not be able to help them stay with their experience in a healthy, safe way.

I'm always learning!

Residencies: Here's what I will be applying to in the next couple months:

Vermont Studio Center

Studio: I am working on five larger paintings in my studio right now, wrestling with new questions, particularly related to my previous discussions of imbued emptiness. This is the first week that I have been able to spend much needed studio time sonce I went to Kripalu in November. Eek! That's what the holidays and other interests will do. Anyway, Mikel is out of town this weekend so I am looking forward to zoning out in my studio-consciousness, jump-starting some sweet painting action.

Books to blow your mind (or my mind anyway):

The Omnivore's Dilemma

Zen and the art of Making a Living

On a final note: I added about 6 plants to our plant-less apartment as well as about 8 candles. The energy and oxygen levels seem much improved. Like magic! Highly recommended for a little winter uplift.

Enough

2009-12-18T09:48:00.000-08:00

It's been way too long since I've been on this thing! I got back from Kripalu a week ago and had an amazing time while I was there (the photo above was taken by my new yoga friend Steven!) Unfortunately I came down with some sort of diabolical plague the last couple days I was there and then my hubs developed a different plague so we have been basically de-plaguing our lives and trying to make Christmas gifties at the same time with little success. Tomorrow we are headed to Iowa for 10 days of family good-ness and I'm sure lots of cookies, etc. Needless to say there won't be much action for some more time but hopefully you are so busy that you won't think to even read this until 2010 :-)

***About ETSY: I am taking my merch with me to Iowa so if you want to order anything in the next ten days go for it! I will be unable to do custom orders until the new year, however.****

I also won't be sending out a newsletter until then. A girl can only do so much before she has to say, "heck! I want to just sit back and watch a million movies and drink Silk Eggnog".

So Hum So Hum

So Hum Shivo Hum

(I am that I am; I am enough)

May you know the abundance in your life!

Happy Holidays!

Mr. Potato Head Yoga

2009-11-28T11:26:00.000-08:00

(photo "sketch": idea for paintings)

Hello gals and pals!

Happy end of Turkey Day week (or Tofurkey Day, in our case)

Mikel and I did a totally NYC thing and rocked the Macy's Day Parade early Thursday morning. It was not as glamorous as television always makes it seem (perhaps because we were not in the media box and thus didn't get to see the performances-- did you watch them on TV? How were they? I must admit I had never heard of most of the younger superstars, a result of not watching TV.) It was much more visually interesting than I expected because of all the saturated candy colors. We took a ton of photos that I am excited to paint from. The photo above was not taken by me (I cheated because we haven't loaded our images onto the computer yet) but I played with it a little in photoshop with some ideas I have about images and painting lately.

This will be my last blog entry for a couple weeks. Tomorrow I am off to a new adventure. I will be at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for two weeks starting the first half of my yoga teacher training. This means that I will be taking a vacation from the land of internet until I return home on the 11th (which probably means I won't be on here until at least the 12th.)

I will also not be sending out my newsletter until I return. I would like to make sure I like how my website looks before I direct friends and family to check it out (especially since my new work isn't fully uploaded so it would be incomplete)....

...AND I would like to open my new ETSY shop first ;-)

I hope you have an excellent end of the month and beginning of December! Namaste!

Goodbye Parasite

2009-11-23T15:52:00.000-08:00

This is my sculpture "Hello Parasite" with the colors inversed...

Happy Monday!

Inspiration Friday

2009-11-20T11:18:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday!

I was able to paint all morning but have nothing documented to show you

(I'm working on four larger panels which I hope to complete before I go to Kripalu)

So instead of my work, here are some images of artists who inspire me lately.

I just found Isabel Manalo's work about five minutes ago while looking up another artist. I can't believe how beautiful her work is!!

Here are two paintings by her:

This next one is epic for me!

I can't believe it, but I have been wishing I could remember the name of this artist for seriously MONTHS and I finally found him!

His name is Daniel Richter.

Here are two images of his paintings:

The next image is a rock poster by Jim Blashfield who is famous for his psychedelic images. The colors slay me-- in a good way!

Finally, this is a painting by Walter Anderson.

His work has a nice dialogue with Isabel Manalo's work, I think.

I hope you all have a great weekend!

I will be posting my paintings from VSC on my website tomorrow if all goes as planned,

and then I will send out my newsletter. Happy creating! (or relaxing, working, cooking, sleeping, traveling, etc. Whatever you plan to do this weekend!)

Textiles and Solo Bike Missions

2009-11-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

sarah moli newton applebaum

Check out her website.

(Thanks, Steph, for telling me about her!)

It is a cold, drizzling day. I was so chilly this morning that I started using the scraps of recycled wool sweaters that I made a blanket with three years ago in Florida to make a new one. Seems we are in need of blankets so I am working on a crazy quilt of my own crazy design and a recycled sweater throw.

I had an amazingly fun adventure yesterday:
First I met with my new friend Aidan Earle (who I met at Vermont Studio Center) for coffee. She makes beautiful work that combines painting, sculpture and textiles. Here are two images I took in her studio at VSC. The colors are probably a little off as I don't have them here to look at but at least you can get the idea about the physicality of her work.

Also, I would like to mention that she has one of the best jobs I have ever heard of. She makes the puppets for Saturday Night Live. She also told me that she just finished a costume for Sesame Street. I'm not sure if she has a website... If I find one I'll post it!

It was so inspiring talking to Aidan that it totally jazzed me up to send out my newsletter I wrote the other day. I have to set up my new ETSY shop and put my new paintings and sculptures on my website first before I can send it out, though, so you might have to hold your horses for a couple days. If you would like me to e-mail it to you and you think I might not have your e-mail address, feel free to post your e-mail in my comments page and I will be sure to get it to you.

After our coffee date, I went on my first solo bike mission in Brooklyn. I didn't get hit by a car!! yay! I also found four pairs of pants at Salvation army that will work for my yoga practice when I go to Kripalu next week for my teacher training. Finding pants that fit was total luck because there are no changing rooms at Salvation Army shops in NYC. I guess that's part of the reason why they are so affordable for thrift shops...?

My thrift purchases and my giddiness at biking without dying lead to a total craft explosion in my studio involving lots of fabric (and more specifically, materials for the blankets I mentioned above) and some fabric paint (to alter a super ugly logo on one of my new pant legs-- I will post a picture sometime soon!)

Then, I hopped on the subway and headed up to Time Square area to meet two friends for dinner which was AMAZINGLY delicious Thai food from a place called "Room Service"-- which is an awesome name. What a full day-- a perfect balance for today's slow, grey chill.

******

Why freecycle rocks:

Mikel found a printer and scanner on Freecycle for us! We will probably be able to pick it up next week. I have my fingers crossed that they will work at least basically (and at all) for what we need. I am still waiting to get my greeting cards printed... If you need anything in the universe and can't afford it, give Freecycle and or Craigslist a chance! Ask the universe and you shall receive.

To Animal Combinations

2009-11-18T06:50:00.000-08:00

"To Other Men"

(acrylic, gouache, dinosaur sequins, glitter and wood glue on panel)

"Wilting Unloading"

(acrylic and gouache on paper)

*I think it looks like a sick moosheep (moose+sheep)

After spending yesterday editing about 45 painting images for my website

(which will be up probably this weekend)

I feel like sharing a couple more!

Happy Wednesday!

Trash to Treasure

2009-11-16T13:42:00.000-08:00

"Weather Island"

Happy Monday!

I finally documented my most recent paintings today because the weather was so beautiful; perfect light for taking photos. It was a great experience because a few people from the neighborhood were very friendly and stopped by to see what I was doing. A certain group of three were very interested and listened when I explained the fact that many of the paintings start as recognizable images (like monkeys and shoes) and then get abstracted in my process. They seemed excited when they started to be able to see the monkey face or the pair of excellent cowboy boots. Great fun!

It was so nice outside and I was getting such good vibes from the neighborhood that I suddenly had a great idea: to collect trash on my street and make a sculpture to be put back into the landscape. "Weather Island" is what I made.

I'm not totally excited about how it looks from afar... It still looks like random trash... not enough of something that might make someone look twice when they pass by.

Up close, however, I think it looks really fun and the colors and lines work really well with the surroundings.

I collected trash for about one minute, took it into my studio. Used scissors, Elmer's glue and hot glue to alter and re-attach all of the trash. I used every bit that I picked up. I'm going to try lighting it and photographing it at night to see what shadows do for the material transformation. The lighting might just be the trick for adding the bit of I-don't-know-what to make passers-by stop and look.

Being Unhinged

2009-11-13T09:34:00.000-08:00

I never imagined I would feel this way, but I have a new serious love for psychedelic art...

Onto something else new and strange:

The wind.

The wind here is trying to unhinge me I think. I'm not sure why, exactly. I'm usually quite tolerant of things like wind which makes me think it is a sort of real manifestation of something else blowing me apart and open.

I saw a garbage bag on Myrtle Ave today that had been blown in the center of the road and driven over until its guts spilled out. It was visceral and smelled like rotten things but aside from my body's reactions, it looked quite beautiful. I thought about how garbage bags on the street often look more or less the same, all controlled and packaged up, but here was this messy, smelly gem-of-a-bag all because of the wind.

***********

At Vermont Studio Center I had some great peers suggesting artists for me to look at. I'm a little slow to check stuff like that out (why?) but I finally did and here are some images and names:

On a final note, if I am in fact being unhinged and blown apart, what exactly is blowing apart and what will be left when the wind has passed?

Flow

2009-11-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

Oh, lord almighty, there are so many good artists out there.

Here are a couple that you might want to know about:

Hilary Pfeifer

Nathan Redwood

Amazing, delicious, inspiring...

Ghost and Squirrel Work Together

2009-11-10T11:08:00.000-08:00

"Ghost as Profile"

I'm applying to Smack Mellon today and I have to give super huge thanks to Mikel for spending so much time last night helping me hash out the newer details in my artist statement that I've been working on. Having breakthroughs in my work, like finding my ghosts, is very inspiring and fresh, but it also means I have to go back once again to my thinking mind and give words to the ephemeral things I'm making. It's essential to have someone else to bounce words off of.

About my ghosts: I initially called them 'ghosts' as a playful association. After a studio visit with Nina Katchadourian at VSC I realized that 'ghost' is a good word for what I've been making because they disintegrate into hints of something illusive that might have been there but isn't fully described. The meaning of the ghosts must be imagined based on their 'containers'. My definition of 'container' is: the described limit of what we do know on which we base the meaning we make of the unknown. The ghost/container above is sort of a purely abstracted ghost named for an image association I made when it was complete (doesn't it look like a profile?). I am also starting from recognizable imagery to create different 'containers' for ghosts such as in this piece which started from a polaroid of Mikel:

"Permeable: Ghost and Squirrel Work Together"

I like the more specific content to each piece that comes from the recognizable images.

I meant to mention this artist yesterday when I was writing about 'sunyata'. Her name is Aurora Robson and she currently lives and works in Brooklyn. I haven't met her... yet! Her sculptures are more interesting to me than her paintings as she uses recycled plastic, tinted poly acrylic and rivets, transforming the materials into magical and beautiful assemblages. An interesting tidbit about her painting, however, is that the second piece listed on her website is called "Sunyata". Imagine that!

"Sentinel"

"Listening Pleasures"

Fertile Space Pants

2009-11-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

"Whispering"

(a ghost and monkey combo platter)

In the book I'm reading called Going on Being by Mark Epstein, M.D., I found a word for what I have been thinking about with my ghosts: Sunyata, a Buddhist word for an emptiness which is not a void but a fertile space where nothing has intrinsic or absolute reality and is therefore relational. Anything can exist in relationship.

"Wear Your Space Pants"

These will be posted on ETSY today!

"Are we going on an adventure?" Mahoney asks with a smirk.

"Well, my dear, we're already on one. All I'll say is this," Mr. Magorium continues. "With faith, love, this block, and a counting mutant, you may find yourself someplace you've never imagined."

Floating Cakes and Pastry Dates

2009-11-06T14:22:00.000-08:00

"Dragon Tears"

Just posted on etsy!

Last night Mikel and I ate a pile of Chinese pastries and then went to the The New Museum to see a Urs Fischer exhibit. He likes tricks, like phantom exit signs and a floating croissant with a butterfly on it. I like when his tricks move more into the sublime like on the 4th floor where he had a melting street lamppost, large aluminum blob-like sculptures that appear weightless, and a skeleton climbing into/out of a box. The piece above was my favorite trick. The cake is floating! This was also in the room with the lamppost, blobs and skeleton. Hot!

While looking in books in the museum shop I came across two AWESOME artists:

Eliot Hundley

Francine Spiegel

Then I went home and started gluing things together.

A little inspiration goes a long way, especially when you've only had pastries for dinner.

Snap Shots

2009-11-04T14:37:00.000-08:00

This is actually a HUGE wall sticker that is made to look old and tattered. It's a little like how my brain feels right now. I don't have the mental capacities to write much due to a long walk and a soul draining trip to Target. Some comments of photos then.

I originally took this photo because I LOVE the garden of fake flowers. When I looked at the photo I realized it looks like the saint is about to dive in which made it more interesting to me. Sometimes just doing something as simple as taking a snap shot can reveal new things.

This is called "Weedazzler" (a play off of weeds and Bedazzler).

I just posted it in my shop today along with other treasures.

Check 'em before you wreck 'em home skillet :-)

Steps

2009-11-03T12:18:00.000-08:00

This is my top pick for my logo I will use on my new greeting cards. What do you think?

I spent the morning taking photos of a bunch of stuff I will be adding to my etsy shop. For example:

"Pink Blossom Leafies" will be up by tonight.

I've been struggling with my photography (as you know by now, I'm sure) and I finally decided I should just take photos of myself by myself from different angles. They seem to be more intimate and natural and I always find surprises. Like this one, which isn't the best etsy image but quite inspiring to me.

After my photo bonanza on the fire escape, I worked on greeting cards. Here's one:

I haven't printed any because we don't have a printer yet, BUT, I do like my designs and that's the first step to getting these babies to exist in the material world.

This is how I'm trying to think, now, in steps. I came back from Vermont Studio Center full of ideas and creative energy and then I realized that, Oh, right, I'm trying to make a living from my art which means I have a lot of work to do. This ginormous amount of work easily piles up (specifically on the middle of my forehead) and soon I feel like my brain is being squished into a pancake, and not a delicious one, I'm sorry to say.

So how do I do this step by step business? I go back to why the heck I'm doing such a challenging thing: because I want to be able to choose how I structure my life. I want to be able to continue to paint, do yoga, cook magical vegan food, have a family and travel. I also don't want to work on someone else's clock. Some people are made for the 9-5 jobs. I am not. I know I'm most creative in the morning, most needing of exercise in the afternoon and a waste of space after about 10pm (unless I'm at a dance party, the mystery of which never fails to amaze me.)

Today's first step came to me like this: I have been saying I'm going to put more earrings on etsy for a LONG time, telling a billion people this, and I have about 100 pairs in my studio. Seriously. That's crazy! They should be out in the world on wonderful adventures with you and your mom, not stuck in boxes in Brooklyn. Also, how am I supposed to make a living if my work isn't some place where my creations can run into you and say "hello"? Etsy here I come!

I wonder if this step-by-step process could work for any pursuit? I guess it takes a certain amount of big picture thinking for me about why I exist. It's a big question, I know, but my specific thoughts about it hold the strings of my daily life together. I don't want to waste any minute of my life so I like to do things like make a list of all the things I might ever want to do in my life, barring any thoughts about impossibility. It's a daydream list. Then I think about how to live now so that it will open the doors for all of those things to happen.

On the other hand, I also believe that my life today reflects the rest of my life so I try to make my day the way that I want the rest of my life to be. On that note, I better get some earrings up on etsy so I can go home, do some yoga, eat dinner and go see a rock show with my main man Mikey.

Appetizer Post

2009-11-02T15:25:00.000-08:00

This is an ad for a bank (I'm about 97.55% sure) in Japan. The amazing color and busy image arrangement lead to me to slipping it into one of my books before I moved back to he US. At Vermont Studio Center last month it was somehow one of the only things I brought with me other than a bunch of paint. In the first week all of my paintings started from this image.

This one is small-ish. About 8.5 x 11 inches.

This one is largish (about 4 feet by 2 feet) and the most interesting to me of all my monkey paintings. It seems to combine what I am trying to figure out in my studio right now with what I already know so well...

This is a painting of a friend Christiana who I met at VSC. This is a good example of what I feel like I'm trying to figure out. Sometimes I think I am painting the energy of form rather than the material form. Whatever it is, it is freshly awkward for me to paint recognizable imagery.

This is only a sketch but it has something else freshly awkward for me (I mean that in the best possible way!)

It is a photocopy donation from a studio mate on which I painted the green

Here is one of the biggest breakthroughs of the whole month.

This is one of my smaller ghosts. More thoughts to come about my ghosts and the other cryptic things I hinted at (fresh awkwardness, new ideas, etc).

For now I need to go home with my hubs and make some dinner!

("Japanese Spring" for Halloween. Hope you had a good one!)

Masking

2009-10-30T12:46:00.000-07:00

Hello again gals and pals! I wanted to further explain my mask of exceptional pinkness seeing as it is Halloween weekend AND because I love masking.

The setting: a final masked bonfire/dance party at Vermont Studio Center.

The idea: it's me in 50 years.

I decided that by then, I will probably have grey or white hair and therefore will be easily able to dye it pink (or to add pink extensions!) And why stop there? I think a beehive will be just the thing to express my love of life and all things pink. Also, I've heard it's really easy to keep things in a beehive such as pencils, rainbows and snacks for later (in their packaging, of course!)

Masks are a really cool project as they have sort of a magic to them. They can bring out characteristics in the wearer and the maker that might otherwise remain hidden. Masking is a huge part of Voodoo traditions and is really interesting to me. When I wore this mask I was trying to decide what characteristics it brought out in me but couldn't decide. Perhaps I was more enthusiastic... is that possible?

The artists in the picture with me are (from left to right):

Dana Hargrove

Aidan Sofia Earle

and Michelle Carter

Here's Michelle's AMAZING mask she made out of found materials that included a Tampax box, some tape spools and something else equally cool. I think she belongs in the movie City of Lost Children whenever I see this photo.

On a final note, I wonder how many Michael Jacksons we will see this weekend?

Happy Halloween!