This is the second part of my conversation with Ashley about her work. Click here for part 1.
M: In what ways is your creative process related to supported by or connected to the rest of your life?
A: Art making is connected to many aspects of my life and mostly this is because moments from my life and surroundings influence and inspire my art. In the past I have found that my art was most influenced by my physical surroundings. When I lived in Alfred, NY and in Seneca Falls, NY I felt very aware of the physical landscape and nature that surrounded me. My location was evident in my past artwork. Lately I have been less inspired by my current location (which is Buffalo, NY) and more inspired by my own internal landscape. I think my art is a reflection of my physical, emotional and possibly spiritual self or at least is representative of the internal activity going on in my body and mind.
Right now the artwork that I am currently making is an attempt to visually document emotions felt within the body. I believe that all emotions will eventually manifest physically within the body. When someone feels any emotion such as sad, angry, depressed, guilty or happy an aware person can see this emotion on or in a person. Emotions surface for various reasons and then create sensations within the body. Lately I have been trying to determine the connection between the emotion and the cause of the emotion. While this process is new to me and I don’t fully understand it, I believe the visual documentation of this process is a way of experiencing it and understanding it while trying to transform my thought and reactions to the cause and the emotion. Simply put, it is a way of learning how to deal and find peace through art. There is not a lot of emotional education in school and I think I might be in the process of retraining my emotional and physical awareness through art. To be quite honest describing it feels a little awkward like being in middle school going through puberty.
This process started when I was dwelling (almost obsessively) on emotions and feelings I was experiencing due to work related stress. Once I started writing, I discovered that the feelings I had could be described using very physical concrete language (such as layers of unsettled twisting, whirling, bubbling, hot, agitated pressure) I discovered I could use shapes, lines, forms, textures, color and structures that would become the language that would describe these feelings and perhaps imply the event or action that created the feeling. There are probably countless avenues of life that this body of work could be inspired by. An example of a few are the way inspiration feels and transforms, self punishment (which works like a disease or cancer) for not feeling like I am enough or living up to expectations that only I create or agree to, the land of paranoia I go to when I assume the thoughts of others, the guilt and or joy of food and the pleasure or adrenaline rush from any number of activities.
M: It's interesting that you went from school-- where you were expected to perform (through crits, tests, shows, etc.) in order to pass-- to a living situation where you are no longer expected to validate your art in any external way. During this transition your work went from being externally focused to being internally focused. Why do you think your focus changed from your external landscape to your internal landscape since leaving school?
A: I think for a number of reasons. During my undergrad I was very interested in mapping/recording my daily experiences and observations as they occurred in my physical external landscape. At Alfred, I was engaged in a new (to me) art making process (as well as new independent life situations) but in a landscape that I was very familiar with as I grew up there. Since I had a preexisting interest and knowledge of the nature and landscape of the area as well as the things and people in it, I believe it was a natural easy starting point. Work with what you know! Also, since there was so much pressure and concern about failure, success, crit, tests etc. I guess I didn't want to reinvent the wheel. I watched some of my peers finish critiques crying because their work was very personal and about their inner landscape (intentional or not) and the critiques just became more about the person and less about the work. I don't think I was ready to peel back the layers in front of a group of 20. So on to the transition.
I remember the point at which I started to transition to my inner landscape. At this point I have been living in Buffalo, NY for two years and was trying to find that burning question that I would use to make art about. I felt like I needed a new story of some kind. I also was feeling not so inspired by my new visual landscape and I was on a hunt for the next inspiring thing. Three major events also happened around this time. The first, being that I had gone back to school for my teaching certificate. This eventually led me to a very interesting (life changing, opinion forming, AH-HA moment) student teaching experience with one teacher in particular that focused on using art to teach elementary students how to be autonomous, responsible and thoughtful people that are confident decision makers. Part of her philosophy was to make students aware of and in control of their body and thoughts so that the artwork produced would naturally be quality because it was made with the highest amount of care and respect possible. Simply put she taught students to practice being present while making art so that they could feel and articulate what was going on in their mind and body while they worked. Eventually, the goal is that students would be able to transfer this knowledge into real life. Certainly, this was an education I never had and seriously was glad to be a part of and now I have adopted as part of my own teaching philosophy.
The second major event was that my other half quit a job he hated and bought a chiropractic office. Life as we knew it completely changed. So began a new round of evaluation and reflection within our relationship and our roles within the relationship and the way in which we would be living life.
The third and final major event (or major to me) was that during the school/student teaching process I had gained about 30 pounds and was very tired from the successful experience.
So, I was now living in a new life, 30 pounds heavier and on the hunt (and still hunting) for the ultimate lifetime teaching job and my burning art question. All of these events happening at once created the need to focus on my body, inner landscape and personal needs. I had to reflect on new experiences, changes in my body, my need to feel peace and happiness again with my renewed life as well as wanting to work on being more present and aware. So again it was only natural that my artwork became the place to begin exploring and mapping all of this stuff. That moment was an especially good time to do it because I was in the safety of my studio with no real threat of judgment.
"Drawing of Sugar on top of Fat on top f Salt"
M: I'm very interested in your feelings about talking about your search as being like talking about puberty. I often feel the same way about my own search because I think, like puberty, the process of transformation that happens when there is a search for meaning, is something all artists are going through but it's maybe so uncomfortable and unknown that we don't talk about it. It's a lot like puberty for me in that things are changing on their own--- perceptions and awareness of myself, of the world around me--- it is a total emotional roller coaster and there is a strange taboo around talking about it.
I also think that, like with puberty, the more we do talk about it, the easier it is to go through it as we share ideas, experiences and tools with each other. What did your experience of puberty have in common with your process of "retraining your emotional and physical awareness"?
The common link between the two experiences is having people to share and talk about it with. I am lucky to have people in my life that are willing to do this with me. You are absolutely right, talking is the best way to "share ideas, experiences and tools with each other" to make it through with out too many bumps and bruises.
M: Your work has an illustrative and map-like quality to it. It reminds me of Tibetan art where chakras and energies are mapped out. When you are painting these sensations is your imagery illustrating these sensations through a kind of encoding? Is there a difference for you between being with your experience and making whatever you are inspired to make (even if it looks nothing like a body) verses being with your experience and making a sort of map for it?
A: I am not sure I totally get this question but it seems like it might be one of the most important questions. In fact it might be the thing I am trying to figure out now in my work and can't quite wrap my head around. I do know that I am most definitely trying to develop some kind of code so that I can map out sensations and the experience that causes it.
A: Sometimes it does. The work then reminds me (especially if it is a feeling or sensation I don't like or would like to change or transform) of how to better deal with the event, which initially caused the feeling. Life is full of repeats and if we can learn to deal with and develop tools which will assist with each repeat situation then we can eventually learn to change that situation over time and with hard work.
No comments:
Post a Comment