Interview With Ashley Smith (part 1)

Ashley Smith in her studio

Ashley and I went to Alfred University together from 2001-2005. I have always been excited by Ashley's dedication to her work and to her own process of making meaning through art, cooking and relationships. Each of these aspects of her life seems to be directly intertwined and supportive of the rest. Ashley currently lives and makes work in Buffalo, NY.

M: What are your biggest struggles and fears in art making?

A: I think the biggest struggle I have with art making is creating and maintaining a consistent studio schedule. Since I am one to thrive in structure it is important to have a schedule that is dedicated to quality studio time where I work on only my work. This seems like not that large of a problem but it is so hard for me. It is as difficult as making a workout schedule. Both activities are things I enjoy and ultimately make me a healthier person and yet during weekly scheduling so many things come up that make each week different from the next. For some reason I edit out some of the activities that are probably the most important (like schools are making cuts in art education, physical education and music, hmmm?) It takes discipline and will power and that is something I am currently working on. When I don’t keep a schedule I am not as productive and then I start to feel feelings of guilt for not being productive enough and ultimately I end up feeling like I am not enough. This brings me to my biggest fear in art making. Perhaps my art is not beautiful enough, not conceptual enough, not connected to enough things, not meaningful enough, not professional enough and the list could go on. Not enough. This I fear will always be a struggle for me.

M: What would your ideal day be like? For example, is there a time of day that you feel more creative, or more energetic?

A: I feel most creative and energetic in the morning after I have had a good night’s rest. I think my most ideal day (not sure this will ever exist for me) would look like this:

Monday through Friday:

6:00 Wake up, eat breakfast, shower, sit with coffee and quiet. Perhaps make a to do list.

7:30 Leave for work.

8:00-12:00 Teach Art. At this point it could be any age group. Although I experience the most joy with elementary. Part time for me would be perfect right now so that I would have time for other activities that I love. I think I would be a healthier teacher too. It also makes sense to teach in the morning because I am my most alert and creative self, which will make me the most effective teacher in the morning.

12:00-2:00 Physical activity and rest/lunch time.

2:00-6:00 Studio time plus teacher plan time. This would be time for my studio work and any other teacher products or planning that I may need to do.

6:00-7:30 Prepare dinner and eat with family/friends (depending on day) at the dinner table with music and a bit of wine.

7:30-10:00 Nighttime adventures, chores, relaxing, talking, reading, movies, activities with Jordan, family, friends or home.

10:00 Bedtime. I have tried staying up later but I have found that my body doesn't like it. It likes 4 hours of rest for the body and 4 hours of rest for mind.

During the weekend:

8:00-9:00 Wake up, eat breakfast, coffee, shower, sit, quiet.

9:00-12:00 or 2:00 Studio time for me.

2:00 - 12:00 Could be many things.

12:00 Bedtime.

OK, so I realize that is super structured but that is it. The most ideal! It was fun thinking about that. The times listed above could be flexible (and life happens, it can't always go that smoothly) but the activities I listed would flow in that order. I think I would feel my most rested, happy and productive with a schedule like that.

"Mandala Sunrise"

M: I have the same experience about feeling guilty for not being productive. I also talked to another artist recently who went to Alfred with us and she said that same thing. I remember feelings of purposelessness when I wasn't productive before undergrad but not guilt until school. Did you have your feelings of guilt for not being productive before you went to undergrad?

A: No! This is a really interesting question. I never thought about this before. The only feelings about art that I had before undergrad were excited feelings. Occasionally I had moments of low confidence about my artwork or wonder about what I was making and why. What is the point? What was an art career? How will I live? I never felt guilt about art and productivity before undergrad. In fact I was probably more productive than my peers around me so there was no need to feel this way. I think the guilt came during my undergrad when everyone in our art community was so competitive about quality, crits, time spent on work. Egos ran large in undergrad. Somehow in undergrad the greater amount of time spent in the studio was somehow viewed as equivalent to the quality and quantity of work one produced. This I learned is not true but still I have these left over feelings of guilt.

M: Are there times when you feel like you are "enough"?

A: Yes. On days that I have a breakthrough in the studio I feel like I am enough. Also, on days in the studio or in the classroom where I experience the natural flow of work. Even if there is no breakthrough I still experience what they used to call "an honest day's work" and that makes me feel like I am enough.

I also feel full enough when I am in the kitchen preparing a healthy and delicious meal for my family and I. I am good at this and I enjoy this. It is a time that I feel creative, focused, productive, and that I am doing something that provides a very important need as well as want.